When you have PTSD from teaching Kindergarten. Brian Moote



for one year in my life I was a kindergarten teacher and no one tells you this when you work with kindergarteners all you're doing is domesticating wild animals that is all you are doing that is it I had a kid eat his own boogers and stare at me you know what that feels like it feels like to watch a serial killer happen in front of you just to watch little Dexter put all the pieces of puzzle together he's like looking into my soul as he's eating his own boogers with the confidence of Liam Neeson in the movie taken just he's on a special set of skills tastebuds not in that set of skills clearly I can tell by the way your wolf in those things off your finger I thought it was a self-correcting problem well so you know what brought you those new see what happens then he goes back for another round um I call the bluff good for you look at that but buffet is open I guess we do not share like you just think everything you I was just in over my head some of your parents know you have a kid that shouldn't be going to school at six years old they weren't housebroken yet you know that you know that you know which ones you are and send your kids to school with an extra set of clothes that's rude don't do that that's rude cuz that's a mindset you look you're kidding like there is no way this kid goes to six hours same pants that it's not gonna happen it's never happened so far and there's also no way I'm going over there to change those pants that's not gonna happen either let's let that 22 year old with $40,000 let's do loan debt and questioning his life let's let him do that let's break his spirit day one let's show him what reality is like cuz I don't know I was gonna have to do that change kids pee pants I didn't know first day of school just standards kid comes up he goes like I peed in my pants not electrician that ain't gonna get you girls bro you're gonna work on that your game is weak if I were you let go lay on that beanbag chair back there it's absorbent you'll absorb it all just five minutes on the front rotate five minutes in the back you're probably good then it dawned on me I gotta go change it's kids pants never done that never change the kids pants before I walk in the bathroom like don't tell anybody about this I don't know they may have been harsh that's maybe not what I want to say right now I don't want that getting an echo dear parents we went to the bathroom you told me not to say anything about it though now he needs context tell everybody know what don't tell it I don't know what to do I just want you to forget about this even happening so we go in there and I'm like Journal protocol bro you stare at the wall I stare at that wall we don't make eye contact that's what we're doing right now I want you to lock in on that tile like a fighter pilot no side eye either we're done we're not doing that game grab like the side of his sweats like pulling him down and as soon as they get like mid thigh level this monster throws his hands above his head and just starts leaning away yes Wigan what are you doing Magic Mike are you kidding me right now you'll burn my eyes out of my head ridiculous every single that my first day is my first day in this classroom my first day I'm writing my name on the whiteboard I wrote mr. I got to the first letter of my first name bean this kid in the back room just goes yo what's up mr. butt nugget to scream at me he screamed butt nugget at me in a room full of six-year-olds I'll say one thing comedic Lee he was destroying like I was impressed I was like how are you gonna open on a standing ovation is that what you're gonna do right now what are you gonna close on cuz butt nugget is hilarious and you cannot discipline a kid while you're laughing that doesn't happen they know they beat you I was at the whiteboard just trying to hold it together just going don't laugh at shows weakness these monsters feed on weakness because I did not take intro to but nugget in college all right I didn't see that elective so I just don't wing it I was like oh okay alright okay well well well we we do not talk like that in this classroom this kid just confidently leans back goes really why not butts not a bad word and neither is nugget dang it how are you now gonna throw a logical argument back at me dick Ulis one day one day this kid goes yo mr. B why are you so sweaty right now thank you appreciate that one thanks yeah good question I'm I'm having what's called an anxiety attack right now because I just realized I don't know how to spell receive on the whiteboard that's what happened right now yeah too many vowels in that word all right eyes ease more ESC that sounds like an S in there somewhere I'm not sure if you guys know this but there is no autocorrect on a whiteboard okay that there's no replacements every single time you can't spell there three letters you figure it out I quit teaching because of the word unnecessary that is why I retired from education try to spell that word puzzle freehand you gotta take a nap halfway through it I was like it is on the steps Dexter E and then the scare sketch three Nick mascara sketch three a necklace why is there a C in this word uh next one a factor a y-you know what who wants to take a nap right now let's do that you

24 thoughts on “When you have PTSD from teaching Kindergarten. Brian Moote”

  1. I was the school nurse… Those accidents don't stop until 2nd grade. Occasionally there's a 3rd grader and one emotional 5th grader.

  2. This is more edgy and problematic for Dry Bar Comedy. I would not show this channel if this was the first video I saw.

  3. I loved kindergarten. Even tho, for some reason, the next year I went straight to what used to be called ‘the dummy room’ where I spent the next 5 months. No explanation was given to me nor my parents. It could be that nobody wanted me to be the first person ever to flunk kindergarten

  4. all charm from such things is lost after kindergarten, they lose their childhood in one day, the day the teacher asks, "what do you want to BE when you grow up?"" and I was like "happy" and the teacher said No you have it Wrong!

  5. all charm from such things is lost after kindergarten, they lose their childhood in one day, the day the teacher asks, "what do you want to BE when you grow up?"" and I was like "happy" and the teacher said No you have it Wrong!

  6. Nope. Bad delivery. Turns off the audience right out of the gate. Go back on the road, try another routine. Next.

  7. This guy is hilarious. Got a ranting voice like Ashton Kutcher or Dane Cook, but not annoying. And his situational evaluation is top notch.

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