What True Love Really Is


The world is sick for a surprisingly modest-sounding
reason: we don’t understand love – and yet we are rather convinced that we do. We
talk a lot of love of course, but generally in terms of a dizzying rapture lasting a few
months focused on someone’s beauty, intelligence and strength. The most convincing discussion
of love in the West came from Jesus of Nazareth, which has been unfortunate, given how easy
it is to overlook everything he had to say once you don’t ‘believe’. We might require
a new philosophy of love, in effect, a powerful secular religion of love. Here would be seven
possible ingredients in Love redefined: CHARITY Love means, above
anything else, benevolence and gentleness towards what is failed, disgraced, broken,
unappealing, angry and foul in other people and in ourselves. Love isn’t about an admiration
for strength, it’s about directing sympathy in a most unexpected direction: at what is
messed up, lost and in pieces, and at what we might hate, resent and be frightened of.
Anyone can express an interest in perfection, to love is to devote an active charity towards
the mistakes and aberrations. One day, we will all require the charity of others. In
one way or another, we’ll be on our knees – and we will need people to look past our
evident failings in a tender search for our deeply hidden merits. IMAGINATION To love
with imagination is to look beneath the surface – where there may be rage, cynicism, brittleness
or transgression – and to picture the suffering and pain that got a person to this place.
To love with imagination is to fill in the better reasons why others are behaving as
they do. Imaginative love knows that we are all, somewhere, desperate: it seeks out that
desperation and treats it with sorrowful gentleness. KINDNESS There are so many fighters for social
justice, so many people determined to make a better world. They denounce their enemies,
and feel certain of their cause, but along the way, they have a fateful habit of forgetting
to be kind. In their denunciations of the evils of others, there is precious little
mercy, humility, tenderness or grace. It is not enough to be right or just, to be kind
is to know that everyone, even sinners, and in a way, especially sinners, deserve ongoing
sympathy and mercy. It is never simply because someone is wrong that we have any right to
cease showing them the greatest kindness. FORGIVENESS To forgive is to know that we
are, in our own way, as guilty as the next person. Given what we all are, we have no
option but to cut each other slack. Of course we have failed and been hasty and less than
admirable. But that is no reason forever to withhold love. We learn to forgive when we
are no longer self-righteous, that is, when we’re brave enough to fathom the darker
sections of our own hearts. LOYALTY To love means being loyal to people (this could be
ourselves) even though the crowd no longer agrees. Outside the mob may be jeering, but
we continue on the same side, with steadfastness and an unbudgeable resilient faith. GENEROSITY
Love overflows. It isn’t about loving just one person, it encompasses the love of someone
you have just met, of strangers in another land, of the earth, of plants, weevils, house
bats and a moth by the window who might be dead by nightfall. PATIENCE We want others
to meet our hopes right now. But true love means giving people the time to mature and
develop; to go wrong, to wander in another direction, and not to shout at them but to
give them every chance to grow, at their own pace, towards their better selves. If we can
believe wholeheartedly in some of the above, it won’t matter who we vote for or what
our cause is, we can count as part of what is helping. We should be almost done with
Romantic love by now. We should be setting our sights on the challenge of this sort of
love. Yet it’s not surprising if we’re still only at the beginning, we’re just
starting on the path to being human. Love is a skill that we can learn. Our Relationships book calmly guides us with calm and charm through the key issues of relationships to ensure that success in love need not be a matter of good luck. for more click the link now.

100 thoughts on “What True Love Really Is”

  1. What do you think of our seven ingredients of love? Let us know your own in the comments below and sign up to our new newsletter and get 10% off your first online order of a book, product or class: https://bit.ly/2LayJ9F

  2. This is amazing! We are all broken & to love yourself and others is a radical & revolutionary act!

  3. 3 eternal truths :
    – God is within each one of us ( God being our soul )
    – happiness comes from within (meditate and you will see it )
    – what we do to others we first and foremost do to ourselves ( be loving, generous, respectful, empathize, etc etc and we will experience bliss)

    The definition of LOVE can easily be put in few words when we observe what most parents (say at least 30%) do for their children by putting the child’s interest before theirs UNCONDITIONALLY!

    Therefore in a relationship you first put the interest of the other without conditions. If the other does not reciprocate in whatever way they can then you should wonder if you have given them the opportunity to do so. If yes and despite that they remain egocentric then maybe time to move on.

    In general life is made of a giver and a taker. Imagine if you didn’t take what your parents gave you then they wouldn’t live a life of bliss.

    Socrates wife was difficult but that is how he learnt the values of tolerance, patience and kindness. These are beautiful and rare values. Therefore his wife made herself miserable so that Socrates got the opportunity to experience those beautiful qualities. 😊😊😊

    PS = forgiveness is done consciously and thereby the subconscious acknowledges harm was done. The subconscious being 9 times the conscious results in a pathological disease. Therefore always condemn the act but NEVER THE ACTOR.

  4. Crazy how you kick jesus out because it has to do with religion…the moment people stop relating God to religion instead start to relate it to relationship is when people will start to understand love. Crazy how in this video you speak about agape love but exclude the one and only who created it and shows it to humanity. Sad that as soon as people hear the word jesus or god they automatically turn there backs, crazy how we turn our backs yet he still loves us endlessly & unconditionally

  5. Please make a video about how to keep relationship healthy after having a baby. We have a 6 months old and I can feel alone with the baby even though partner works from home. I demand more of him, to take care of Me, as now I take care of baby And( him) partner. However he expects I take care of everything and this causes arguments. How to keep being kind to one another? I thought baby would take us closer to one another but it does not necessarily.

  6. Hmmm – Clarity, Imagination, Kindness, Forgiveness, Loyalty, Generosity, and Patience… Sounds a whole lot like "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." I Cor 13:4-7 ESV 🙂

  7. Charity is the PURE LOVE OF CHRIST. Without God's love we would not know the meaning of love or mercy or empathy for He is the source of it.

    When you took Christ out of the picture and felled the cross, I unsubscribed.

  8. I think that much of the distress we feel when we're trying to figure out whether our partner is right for us arises from the fact that we often blame ourselves for the love we don't receive. When our partner disrespects us, we're bound to seek for reasons within ourselves, too. As soon as we realise that our lover is only human, we forgive ourselves, too.

  9. was this love?
    most recently i got rejected no biggie it happens right? here's the thing i thought she was the one, i waited 5 years as her friend, "love is when you can't imagine not spending your life with someone else" i read that somewhere and cant seem to believe its true right now, among the crying i share with my pillow at nighttime i think to myself if i will give up so easily if i will walk away if i love her so much, i want to be around her but i cannot bear the pain when shes even touched by someone else, at the same time my thoughts are in conflict, since after all love is also "when you love someone so much you'd do anything for, even leave when they ask".

    I'm not at all concerned with my future in life or at least i thought i wasn't until she rejected me of all people my true ideal love, maybe i should have asked why? or what it was that i did wrong, and now i'm so nervous on what to do around her as if we've just met again. HELP, I couldn't say it clearer, this has lost me nights of sleep now, if anyone knows what to do help.

  10. People have devolved into trolls. They connive and start trouble just for excitement. Its not healthy or productive. Baiting and trapping.

  11. Amazing video! I quite liked it!

    It would be lovely to have this video translated to Brazilian Portuguese, so I could show this to my family and friends.

  12. Well so far I haven’t found love, I know I’m going to live with myself alone and it’s something to accept.

  13. Jesus walked away from the Pharisees…Sadducess….and teachers of the law…these must have been the narcissists

  14. abstraction in what we do is the key,,i try materialism for a while and it is very torture me,,just give little mercy to myself

  15. This is easily one of the most important videos on YouTube. Let us try to understand love more and put it into fruition

  16. It sounds like what a therapist does….but they tell you to run from narcissists and other dangerous people

  17. Lol..no. For me, I nerd somebody who understands the frailty of being human and strives to better themselves. Not a self ish mental hobble.

  18. Love is having a deep inner feeling of connection or wanting to be close to someone. It's wanting the best for them even if they're bad for you.

  19. Love is patient,love is kind,it does not boast it does not envy. It is not rude. Love doesn't take pride in wrongs love always heals,always protects,love never fails.

  20. Why is this "school of life" speaker ALWAYS sounds so depressing!!!! Omg i want to die!
    Listen, can we talk.about love in a slightly more positive ways rather than just bury us with all this mountain of muggy earth??
    It is the most buzz-killer, mood-drowner about love there ever is!!!

    Ok i get that he's right in many senses!! But why does it all have to be so SOMBRE and uptight??
    What's wrong with romance??? With a good bit of light and happiness?? Why does everything have to be so…. sombre ?? No other word for it!! 😖😖😓😓😓😫

  21. I not fine a true love but i still Give girl true love loyalty and forgive ness but all just leave me…😗😔

  22. Anyone else feel like they were just catfished by an extremely clever Jesuit Priest trying to recruit? But seriously, I think this is Alain de Botton, seriously!

  23. Well that’s not a new philosophy of love that is plain christianity, nothing really secular about it, since it’s full of preconceived notions and morals that you have to have faith in a priori in order to agree with this “new philosophy”.

  24. I like this video and the perspective on Love. The thing is we DO love with conditions…. “I love you untill you cheat on me or con me”. “I love you until I get fed up with your physical or emotional abuse”. “I love you until you no longer give me what I want or desire”. It’s not easy to love one another. I’m sure it’s safe to say that it’s really hard to forgive someone who sexually assaulted you or killed a family member or hundreds or millions of people…. Love is very complex.

  25. What is true love?…truly believe that best one can do to try to love truly is to be compassionate seeing this for others in respect to oneself is to open ourselves and others to acts of charity…

  26. Love is a many splendored thing
    Love is blue
    Love is grand
    Love is a battlefield
    Love is the answer
    It makes the world go round
    It's all ya need
    Out of titles but hundreds more

  27. Thanks for referencing Jesus. His Father Jehovah is the embodiment of Love, and we can only love by getting to know him and treating others as kindly as we would want to be treated which is admittedly hard at times being an imperfect human, but we can still try to practice love everyday as we mature to our best self.

  28. Did you just ask me to love a bug? Because I am battling bed bugs right now and let me tell you, I am going to struggle to find love there

  29. Love endures all things. Kindness should be the norm.
    Low key we are being indirectly taught that hate is ok. So much more than love. We need to teach love more than hate. Start with our children. Sacrifice material wealth or competing for who has the most money. The sacrifice should be to staying home and ensuring your childrens moral are intact. Teach love to them. Dont let the streets teach them.
    I know the economy makes it almost imposible for one parent to suppprt the whole family. So what can we do to ensure that our children are feeling loved and fulfilled? Children having children and thinking thats how they can get thier love because they dont get the proper nurturing at home. We need to brain storm and figure out how to do this.

  30. I like the message but I don’t think late neoliberal capitalism can help us learn love, on the contrary I think it will kill it. To see news casters and t shirts companies promote a love agenda sounds like something out of 1984.

  31. The School of Life i wanted to ask you before, do you make a differentiation between the romantic/ erotic love and the brotherly love or do you think that one shouldn't make that categories

  32. Love is the ultimate and eternal paradox . As love gives you the freedom NOT to Love . Love is the fullness and perfection of all that is . GOD IS LOVE

  33. You've inspired me school of life.

    I want to make a shirt now, saying this with a heart:
    7 Ingredients Of Love
    Charity
    Imagination
    Kindness
    Forgiveness
    Loyalty
    Generosity
    Patience

    Each with a small, brief explanation.
    And a statement on the bottom, teach the world to love.

    Other shirt ideas:
    Be kind to everyone.
    Patience will always pay off.
    If you teach them even an inkling of your knowledge, they will be gracious and thankful for you.
    When you see someone fall of their path and struggle, the least you can do is help them get back up again.

    These are just ideas and I'm not a shirt maker. So I hope someone finds these and uses them.
    If you do, let me know.
    I might buy it x3

  34. Though I’m watching ten months later I would like to suggest a little thing that I know. Aloha!

    I’m a Hawaiian boy who lives in Oahu and goes to a Hawaiian private school called Kamehameha. I have much pride for my culture and some of our expressions, one such being Aloha. Many people know aloha as three words; hello, goodbye, and love. Though these are the definitions they don’t truly represent what aloha really is. Aloha is a love that is to strong to break. It is a love that says that though someone may have hurt you they are still amazing. It is a love that a parent feels for a child. It is inexplicable and truly has no definition until you feel it in your heart. You know you feel it when you have a tingle in your body and a goal in your mind that drives you to want to check up on the person you have aloha for. You will know aloha when you feel like you need to empathize with someone who is hurt. That is aloha.

  35. Love is when two human beings "see" each other in an equal manner as if they were born the same moment when they begin to communicate. No memories, no future plans. Truly sharing life that they each posses in the moment. Kindness is overrated because it cannot be objectified. You can hurt someone just by smiling, being kind or simply offering help. It happens a lot. But what do I know. I'm still struggling with that idea anyway 🙂

  36. One thing about true love it’s actually the amount of tolerance you willing to give, I realize that truly love a person you accept all the negative trait the person has and ask nothing from them, love is given unconditionally, it’s hard to do but very possible, I had this experience recently, the woman no trait I admire and I am suppose to hate these traits but I end up like everything about her, thats when I understand, it’s willing to tolerate and accept and forgive

  37. I usually find British accents annoying (I’m sorry it’s nothing against you people it just hurts my ears) but your voice is soothing

  38. I truly belive that only christian (I mean, the true belivers in Jesus Christ, no just religius people) know the true love, because they know God and God is love. He shows all this characteristics in his love for us.
    Think about it, if every person in this world are continually learning about love, the Great Teacher of Love is the person Who IS Love.
    God loves us whit true love. Only when you know this kind of love so deeply, you can love others, and of course, love your self, and most important love God.

  39. true love is unconditional you need to experience true failure in your life to be able to recognise true love. My whole life I have fascinated with opposite attracts love stories as there lies true love in my opinion..to fall in love with someone who does no resemble anything we know is first sign of a true love…

  40. “it ought to make us feel ashamed when we talk like we know what were talking about when we talk about love”

  41. if you want to know more about love, read The Book of Wonder. in its first chapter, it breaks down the different types of love reminding us that it is pointless to look for love in one soulmate

  42. I could never understand when someone would say they don't love their husband or wife anymore. And sometimes they say this after being together 20 or 30 years. I find that equivalent of me saying I stopped loving my mom. How is that even possible? Is there an on and off switch to love? And quit saying I don't know if I love someone or its just Im in love. Quit making it complicated.

  43. To me, love of a person is to try to do everything in your power to make him/her comfortable, cared for and trusting and truly overlooking his/her faults. This can happen way past the time of sexual attachment, like in old age.

  44. I was in love. Badly in love. I loved him so much, but he left and I felt broken and alone.

    We used talk all the time on the phone and text each other every night and go out and do everything together and even got a dog…He said he would marry me because he loved me so much…
    He made me smile when I thought of him.
    He made me blush a lot.
    I had several dreams about him.
    We called our dog our baby girl.
    He taught me how to skateboard.
    He showed me so many new things in my life and stayed with me at my lowest when no one couldn't handle me.

    And he left.

    It's not his fault, it's mine

    I should have not called him

    I should've just waited….

    And now he's gone because of a STUPID CAR CRASH…

    Romantic love will always break you
    It's like a drug being addicted to
    But it's not addiction
    It's the feeling and desire

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