The Boy Crisis: A Sobering look at the State of our Boys | Warren Farrell Ph.D. | TEDxMarin


Translator: Mohand Habchi
Reviewer: Queenie Lee Let me check with you first. Raise your hand, please, if you have a son,
a grandson or a nephew. Please raise your hand? All right. Keep your hand raised, please, if your son, grandson or nephew
is having problems either with motivation, grades, ADHD or addiction to video games? Keep your hands raised if one of your sons, grandsons
or nephews fits that category. Okay. About 30 percent
of the audience fits that category. So question one is why are we blind
to something that is so much around us that we would have to even ask
the question “Is there a boy crisis?” Second, is there a boy crisis? Number three that I’ll be
looking at tonight is some causes and a solution or two. So let me start with our blindness. Think about when we hear
of a police officer shooting a black boy. We rightly protest, “Black lives matter.” But no one even thinks
of saying, “Boys’ lives matter.” The boy in “black boy” we’re invisible to. The boy part of “black boy” doesn’t matter because historically, we’ve been dependent
upon boys dying in order for us to live. We bribe them by social bribes
calling them heroes, telling them they’ll have glory
if they die on our behalf. So, our first issue is if our very survival has been dependent
upon our sons’ willingness to die, being sensitive to their death
competes with our survival instinct. We can’t get anywhere, in terms of seeing
the evidence for the boy crisis, unless we take that curtain up first. If we would do that,
the type of evidence we’d be seeing is that for the first time
in U.S. history, our sons will have
less education than their dads. If we take this worldwide, the U.N. found this year
that boys have fallen behind girls in every single one
of the 70 developed nations. So what do developed nations
have in common? They have in common a much
greater propensity for divorce, leaving boys oftentimes
without their dads. So dad-deprived boys becomes
the number one cause of the boy crisis. When you have less father involvement, what happens is that the boy ends up –
and a girl, by the way – ends up having less likelihood
of being empathetic, assertive, being much more likely to do badly
in every single grade area in school, being more likely to be suicidal,
homicidal, to shoot up schools and being more likely to be in prison. When you look at prisons, prisons are basically centers
for dad-deprived boys. In California, since 1980,
we’ve built 18 new prisons, one new university. There’s been a 700 percent increase in the prison population
in the United States since 1972. That’s a 93 percent male population, mostly a dad-deprived boy population. Here is the most frequent pattern. The boy hears his parents in conflict,
soon the dad disappears. The boy becomes depressed. Anthony Sims, here in Oakland, his last Facebook post was,
“I wish I had a father.” Boys who hurt, hurt us. Anthony Sims soon became
the Oakland killer earlier this year. But other boys act out
not by killing singly like Anthony Sims, but act out by doing school shootings. Most people don’t know that there has been one school shooting
per week, on average, since Sandy Hook. And we often say school shootings
are the result of guns, they’re the result of family values,
the result of mental health problems. But girls live in the same families,
with the same family values, similar mental health problems,
the same violence on TV, but our daughters
are not doing the shootings. Our sons are. And so, here’s just a sense
of the location of those shootings in two years after Sandy Hook. (Gunfire) School shootings are mostly white boys’ method
of acting out their hopelessness and also the white boys’ method
of committing suicide. My perspective is I see suicide
as a reflection in boys of our inability to help track boys
in a constructive way toward manhood. And we see that in the data also. So for example, before age nine,
girls and boys committed suicide equally. Age 10 to 14, twice the amount for boys. 15 to 19, four times the amount for boys. Age 20 to 24, six times
the amount for boys. So if dad-deprived boys is
the number one cause of the boy crisis, the number two cause is very much related. Boys go from the dad deprivation at home
to a male-teacher deprivation in school. We didn’t use to know
the importance of that. We now know that boys do do better
with male teachers, on average. But we also have discovered this year, as a result of the U.N.
doing a study worldwide, that the feminization of education
is a contributing factor to boys’ problems. When the United Nations
did a study worldwide, they found that boys all over the world are one-third more likely
to be graded higher on a reading test when the teacher does not know that the person who took
the test is a boy. This leads to cause three:
lack of purpose. When I was a boy, we basically
had two senses of purpose. You were either a warrior
or you were a sole breadwinner. But as divorces occurred,
male-female relationships got shook up, and the feminist movement came in
and they did a wonderful thing, which was they expanded
girls sense of purpose from the old raise children only,
to being able to raise children, raise money or do some
combination of both. But no one stepped in and helped
to expand boys’ sense of purpose in an equivalent way. Instead, boys were told
to earn money, earn money, earn money or, alternatively, be a loser. The women’s movement and the society
helped create affirmative action to introduce women to professions
they hadn’t been comfortable with, such as STEM professions: science,
technology, engineering and math. But no one introduced boys
to the caring professions. So one possible solution
to the purpose void is to expand boys’ sense of purpose, to consider the option
of being a full-time dad, an elementary school teacher,
a social worker, a nurse. We even have to say words
like “male nurse.” Or we can look at, more broadly, the creation of a larger
White House Council on boys and men, in the way that we already have
a White House Council on women and girls, to address the 10 plus
causes of the boy crisis. A question that somebody once asked me was, “Well, will boys
not consider themselves losers when they become full-time involved
in the caring professions, and there is pressure at them?” But I saw back as early as 1976 a clear example of why boys
will not consider themselves losers when they get more involved
with their sons. I was at a party in 76, and a guy comes up to me
and says, “Are you Warren Farrell?” And I go, “Yes.” And he goes, “You formed
a men’s group that I joined, and the group had more impact
of my life than any other thing.” And I said, “Well, what created that?” He goes, “The most important
question the group asked me was an exercise in which we were asked,
‘What is the biggest hole in your heart?’ And I didn’t know the answer, but I blurted out,
without thinking about it, that it’s actually I was
so involved in my career – I told the group, Warren – that I ended up
neglecting my son, neglecting my wife, and that’s the biggest hole in my heart. And it’s really a deeper hole now because I got divorced, I got remarried. And the men’s group knew at the time
that my wife was pregnant with a boy. And the group said to me, ‘Well, what would you like to do
if you could do anything you wanted?’ And I said, ‘Well, actually,
it would be to take five years off and raise my son full time.’ And the group encouraged me –
and I should say pressured me – to ask my wife and talk to her about that. And my wife said, ‘Go for it, John.’ And so, I went for it,
and it’s now been two years.” I said to him, “Good decision?” “No, the best decision of my life. Up until I took care of my son, all of my life was
about me, me, me, me, me. Suddenly, it was about my son, my son. Every move I made, I considered precious. Every day, I wanted
to wake up and support him. I certainly learned to love and be loved.” As he said that, somebody came up
to the table that we were sitting at. I had just come back from my first
book tour, been on a TV a great deal, and this guy says to me,
“Can I have your autograph?” And I go, “Sure,” generous me. And the other guy, the fellow
asking for the autograph, says, “Actually, I meant the other guy.” (Laughter) I was dying of embarrassment,
self-righteousness caught up with me, and I said, “I guess you’re famous.
So what’s your last name, John? I haven’t had a TV for about eight years.” And John goes, “Lennon.” (Laughter) And I go, “Let’s see” –
proud of myself mind you – “you’re a member
of a singing group. Aren’t you?” (Laughter) He goes, “Yeah.” And I go, “What’s the name of that group?” He goes, “The Beatles.” And I go, “Oh” – that ignorant I was not. What I got from that experience with John was that John Lennon
had basically told me that he had discovered
another John Lennon. A John Lennon who was not dependent on getting love by earning money
as a human doing, but a John Lennon who could
get love by being loved. I think he pointed a way to us
for an evolutionary shift of us being able to get love
by being loved. I think no one suggested
that we imagine that better than John when he said, “All you need is love.” Thank you. (Applause)

100 thoughts on “The Boy Crisis: A Sobering look at the State of our Boys | Warren Farrell Ph.D. | TEDxMarin”

  1. I like how when it shows the audience they all look uncomfortable and nervous like it'stheir fault. The ones who don't seem like they aren't buying it.

  2. I work with a lot of low-income Hispanic children in Los Angeles. Many of the boys do not live with their fathers (roughly 30%). They come over here to have a better life, but the irony is that they can't because without their fathers, they are all but useless by the time they get to middle school. There are so many behavior issues that the classroom is near impossible to run, so the other kids, with both parents, don't get to learn either. We have entire classrooms and entire schools and entire districts like this, here in Los Angeles and other parts of southern California.

    It is summer right now. This will be my first year not teaching in eleven years. I'm quitting education essentially because there aren't enough fathers parenting their children. Other educators are leaving too, because in the end, we didn't sign up for babysitting.

    I guess you can say that the boy problem (which is actually a man problem) has ruined the teaching experience for this educator.

    Further down the line the result of this will be that those of us who have enough talent and skill to leave education will do so. Those who can't find anything else will stay in education, essentially filtering out the sort of people who should be teaching children, and holding on to those who shouldn't.

    The "boy problem" goes to the very root of our society and rots it. It cheapens the man market for women so that they have fewer actual men to choose from. And then we have fewer healthy families in general, and a weaker and weaker society.

  3. Prison's are a company. The clean uniforms, the food, the materials, I bet you a few companies provide all that to the prison system. It is really a system. System that gets someone else rich. They aren't helping anyone in prison. Look at the 700% increase – clearly the system isn't working, but you know someone is getting rich.

  4. Girls have been taught to play whatever role they choose but no one will make it okay for a boy to do anything other than get a job. so what happens when these girls will not allow the boy to be the bread winner? he hasn't been taught anything else!! you have a whole generation of boys and girls in conflict with each other and a skyrocketing divorce rate.

  5. On the brighter side this just expedites the collapse (I’m sure the Zionists and Islamics will be happy).

  6. Stay at home dad will never work, thats giving women "power", which is a responsibility they cant handle. Women lack that kind of maturity, and why would a man make himself completely dependent on a woman, especially nowadays?

  7. So the problem is over-feminization of men due to lack of male role models and the solution is feminizing dads even more? You'd expect more from a guy with phd to at least make sense

  8. After watching this TED talk, I did more research about this man. Imagine my surprise when I found out a lot of women hate him.

  9. Cause #1: Dad deprived boys.

    Hey I know, let’s all embrace progressive Socialism/Communism ideology. They’re very pro nuclear family aren’t they.

    Oh, wait….

  10. I support the cause but I think we need to branch the divide and not depend solely on women and ultra feminine men to push the cause.

  11. I wrote a paper on the need of father's last year, and now I'm finding more and more people saying the same. Coming from a home with an amazing, loving, thoughtful, smart, and dedicated father I was an anomaly among my peers. To this date all my close friends lived in a house with absent, dead, or divorced father's. Luckily my friends and I all turned out for the better, but it's awesome people are talking about this.

  12. I think that no matter what gender you do need a mother and father figure in your life and im not just saying that because im “offended” its not that at all its that girls also have problems like when a girl looks sluty and has no father but a daddy thats a result of not having a father, it literally goes both ways and yes i think that society needs to realize its not just girls with that issue its that having a father and mother figure in anyones life can drastically shape who they are in the future.

  13. My parents didnt raise me

    I was sent to America for education to live with my aunt and uncle. I remember one time we were cutting ropes to untie a long metal tray from my uncles truck, but my cousin got to cut one more and i asked why? He said it was because he is my son.

    after 5th grade i was kicked out because they said they didnt want to take care of me anymore so i moved into a washing machine room with my coat for a blanket and nothing else at my grandparents who couldnt speak English. I was never taught about my Korean heritage. With the horrible media about Asian men and Asians in general i was attacked brutally by racism. the Stereotype is not a just a stereotype in the west, its a belief system. My home being very isolated and it took a 3 hour walk to the closest town and had to wake up at 4:30 to get to my buss at 5:00, which didnt give me many opportunities to even socialize.

    I'm 28 now and live in Korea and am doing better and old enough to see what had happened to me and nobody is to blame.

  14. School is for women men learn by doing women learn by seeing I have been doing so much better in stem classes because we do stuff with our hands and we move around and we make stuff and in every other class I was in girls led the grade averages

  15. Boys learn different than girls, and (most) schools focus on teaching the girl way. We are all smart, but need to be taught the right way.

  16. 6:18 having my time at school in mind… he's true i learnt a lot more from male teachers than from woman. Even today i sometimes think about how good they were especially in math and physics. I grow up without father, a month ago my own son was born, but my ex girlfriend moved away many hundred kilometers while she was pregnant. Till now i've only seen photos of him. Feels like i did wrong the most important thing in my life. This is really breaks me.

  17. very interesting. I'm a girl and my favorite teacher was a male and i feel that because he was a male he had more of an influence on me. because i didn't have any good male figures in my life and i distrusted men due to past experience, this teacher made me feel more trusting towards men. there's almost no recovering without a mother but kids still need their fathers.

  18. School shootings are the result of bullys getting away with tormenting someone's kid until he snaps and decides to take it into their own hands.

  19. boys are in a current crisis, because our society is promoting women and homosexuals, over normal men.
    this was by design, by our increasing radically leftist leaders and society.

  20. The worst part? The statistics don’t even show the whole. I’ve suffered in silence for a large majority of my life because I knew that if I said a word then I would receive negative feedback all around.
    I’m willing to bet that i’m not alone. That many of us suffer in silence.
    And that means that the problem is worse than it seems.

  21. well to be fair there's also paul graham, who also hated high school but decided that reality is what he loves. and i think that's a better path for boys who have serious ambitions with their lives. reality, as graham wisely notes, is far more powerful than whatever they teach you in schools. i guess a good thing with today's society is that feminine boys and masculine girls gets more acceptance. so with the exception of being a feminine boy, dude, just go read graham's Hackers and Painters.

  22. Still narcissistic single mothers brag how they did it on their own with no help, all by themselves taking the role of 2 parents. Never looking at the effect it had on the children. Stop padding yourself on the back because being a single parent is not an accomplishment but a devastating consequence on the children due to your failures of maintaining a family structure.

  23. Single moms try to raise their sons to be the good man that they wouldn't have dated in their prime, but now wish they did!

  24. We aren't "willing to die." We're willing to accept a level of risk to accomplish an objective. Being larger and stronger than women our risks are more often physical, but no one sets out to die. I myself am a retired Marine Naval Aviator. I knew a dozen or so over the years who were killed doing that, but we thought the risk to be worth it for our national liberties. If you know a lad at risk, and if he qualifies, send him to boot camp; he'll acquire confidence, strength, and discipline. And he'll be on a team, no longer isolated.

  25. Most of you are talking about the effect and not the cause. Socialism has designed this effect with liberalism, feminism and a generation of parents who don't stick together while judges beat up the father. The goal is to remove the father and allow the socialistic school system have at them with a bully system, teaching them nothing about how to be successful in the real world. That's the discussion, not the effect. We are under attack. Defend it.

  26. It’s funny how ted talks led by any woman regardless of what she talks about is 5 times more popular than ted talk videos like this. It’s not a coincidence.

  27. Here's the problem though. Men DON'T WANT to enter care fields. However, women DO WANT to enter STEM fields (or at least, that's the narrative we're often sold). How do we reconcile this imbalance????

  28. My dad is addicted to video games and is an alcoholic. I'm NOT going to be him when I have kids. I go to the gym eat healthy and want others to feel the same

  29. Yk wut would be helpful. The media not tearing us down every single day. The media not punishing random men just for existing. The media blaming white boys for everything and even calling people white boys when they're not white. It's simple kill the biased media whether they be right or left

  30. In our school in India boys are thrashed up for doing anything masculine or mischievous while our school has a strict policy of not touching girls because of our country's laws. This applies in homes too. Women in India can choose whichever career they want while boys are expected to carry on the fathers trade and throw away his ambitions. Boys bullying is totally disregarded while if some girl says 'iM dEpReSsEd' on instagram the whole school looks out for her. Girls blatantly cheat in exams and boys cannot. The result: a generation of depressed and violent men to whom apathy is normal. And then they wonder why violent Hindu nationalism and rapes are a thing. They are just desperate attempts by men to retain some control over their lives. It is a struggle we are terribly losing.

  31. Generally speaking, there are more girls in my AP classes than boys. There are more girls in any extracurricular activity or club thast isn't a sport.

  32. Published on Sep 23, 2013Medication Madness: The Role of Psychiatric Drugs in Cases of Violence, Suicide and Crime.

  33. I got lucky enough to have male teachers in 7/8 of my classes last year. This year I have 2/6… I wonder if I will get worse grades this year.

  34. I see a few comments about male and female teachers.

    Not all female teachers care more about girls than boys. I actually passed my exams because of a female teacher.

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