If you’re still struggling with consent,
just imagine instead of initiating sex, you’re making them a cup of tea.
You say “hey, would you like a cup of tea?” and they go “oh my god, I would LOVE a cup of tea! Thank you!” then you know they want a cup of tea.
If you say “hey, would you like a cup of tea?” and they’re like “um I’m not really
sure…” then you can make them a cup of tea or not, but be aware that they might not
drink it, and if they don’t drink it then – then and this is the important part – don’t
make them drink it. Just because you made it doesn’t mean you are entitled to watch
them drink it. And If they say “No thank you” then don’t
make them tea. At all. Just don’t make them tea, don’t make them drink tea, don’t
get annoyed at them for not wanting tea. They just don’t want tea, ok?
They might say “Yes please, that’s kind of you” and then when the tea arrives they
actually don’t want the tea at all. Sure, that’s kind of annoying as you’ve gone to
all the effort of making the tea, but they remain under no obligation to drink the tea.
They did want tea, now they don’t. Some people change their mind in the time it takes
to boil that kettle, brew the tea and add the milk. And it’s ok for people to change
their mind, and you are still not entitled to watch them drink.
And If they are unconscious, don’t make them tea. Unconscious people don’t want
tea and can’t answer the question “do you want tea” because they’re are unconscious.
Ok, maybe they were conscious when you asked them if they wanted tea, and they said yes,
but in the time it took you to boil that kettle, brew the tea and add the milk they
are now unconscious. You should just put the tea down, make sure the unconscious person
is safe, and this is the important part again – don’t make them drink the tea. They
said yes then, sure, but unconscious people don’t wanttea.
If someone said yes to tea, started drinking it, and then passed out before they’d finished
it, don’t keep on pouring it down their throat. Take the tea away and make sure they
are safe. Because unconscious people don’t want tea. Trust me on this.
If someone said “yes” to tea around your house last Saturday, that doesn’t mean that
they want you to make them tea all the time. They don’t want you to come around unexpectedly
to their place and make them tea and force them to drink it going “BUT YOU WANTED TEA
LAST WEEK”, or to wake up to find you pouring tea down their throat going “BUT YOU WANTED
TEA LAST NIGHT”. If you can understand how completely ludicrous
it is to force people to have tea when they don’t wanttea, and you are able to understand
when people don’t want tea, then how hard is it to understand it when it comes to sex?
Whether it’s tea or sex, Consent Is Everything. And on that note, I am going to make myself
a cup of tea.