Self Compassion

To survive in this high pressured, crazy world most of us have to become highly adept at self-criticism. We learn how to tell ourselves off for our failures and for not working hard or smart enough. But so good are we at this that we’re sometimes in danger of falling prey to an excessive form of self-criticism What we might call self-flagellation a rather dangerous state which just ushers in depression and under-performance. We might simply lose the will to get out of bed. For those moments, we need a corrective. We need to carve out time for an emotional state of which many of us are profoundly suspicious. Self-compassion. We’re suspicious because that sounds horribly close to self-pity But because depression and self-hatred are serious enemies of a good life, we need to appreciate the role of self-care in a good, ambitious and fruitful life. To this end we can perform what we’ve called a, “self-compassion exercise” A structured meditation, lasting 15 minutes or so Lying in bed, or perhaps a bath Turn over a sequence of thoughts that interrupt and correct the flow of your worse self-accusations. For a time adopt an entire kindly perspective on your setbacks The self compassion exercise goes like this: We’re so in love with success we fail to notice the scale of the challenges we routinely set ourselves. There is nothing remotely normal about what we’ve tried to achieve. We’ve failed, but given the mountain we were trying to climb, the conclusion doesn’t have to be that we’re simply flawless. We have tricky family histories, we all do. There were things which happened to us at the hands of others which can help to explain some of our current troubles. We’re not entirely sane or well, but none of us are. We weren’t well set up to carry out certain tasks It isn’t wholly our fault in the here and now. From the media, you’d think everyone was rich and famous and successful. But in reality, undramatic, quiet failure is by a huge margin the statistical norm. We shouldn’t tear ourselves apart for not managing to be to what were in truth, awesome odds. Tough, self-critical people don’t allow themselves the indulgence of believing in luck. They take responsibility for everything. They think winners make their own luck But they don’t for the most part. Luck is a genuine feature of existence We’re robbing ourselves of fair concilation By believing that we’re entirely in control, and therefore entirely to blame when we crash. You are not only your achievements. Status and material success are one bit of you. But there are others as well, those who loved you in childhood knew this, and in their best moments helped you to feel it. Rehearse the internalized voices of all those who have been kind to you. Bathe in the memory of a laugh independent of achievement. It seems it will never end That’s not the truth It’s just how a crisis feels. You need to reduce expectations to zero for a time. Take each new hour as it comes, and without being banal, what you need most of all, is some rest.

100 thoughts on “Self Compassion”

  1. hey all! thanks for the video. it would be great if you all could link a small infographic, or even just a listing of the main points, in the description. short of taking notes, it’s tough to remember what the 5-6 steps were. i think this would be a helpful addition to most of your videos, and seems to be within the skill set of your current staff (given the high quality of the animation and writing). hope it’s something you’ll consider! or helpful at least 🙂

  2. I hadn't met a School of Life video that I disliked – until this one. Not the narration, that was good as usual (love that guy's voice), but the sound effects were so disruptive, annoying, and, to me, so ugly that I couldn't even watch till the end. Saying this with compassion. 🙂

  3. loved this one. I was either smiling or laughing the whole way through. happy day ahead for me today, going to practice some Self Compassion. thank you : )

  4. There's some nice advice in this video. I would add that just consciously telling ourselves some of these things sometimes isn't enough to actually change our beliefs.

    Saying affirmations to ourselves like "I'm not only my achievements" or "I'm loved" might be helpful, but sometimes we also have unconscious learnings that we need to discover and unlearn first, before we can really believe some of that stuff.

    Good therapy includes working with what's unconscious, so we can really adopt new beliefs that serve us better. But this is definitely some nice general advice.


  5. I liked this all except the last. Sure it will pass but another will take its place. How is that any consolation? Life can sometimes be one hardship after another, sometimes unbearably so.

  6. Why then are those good people of our childhood days out of sight? Surely that is a problem area.They defined and moulded who you are in the first place. Later on many others came along, and then the first group went missing. Even their letters gifts photographs. All stolen.

  7. For those of us who cannot bathe in the memory of love independent (or even dependent) on the memory of achievement, this is a very tough road. Some of us did not have nurturing attuned care givers. This is where my therapist has been helping re-parent me.

  8. Yea this is me, I really do not like myself. I have tried and I'm not a bad person. I just ALWAYS feel like I should be doing more, even if I'm overwhelmed already. If I get 5 A's I should have gotten 7 or I lose 2lbs, I certainly should have done 5lbs or 6lbs. Neverending cycle of self hate

  9. What's with the ducking noises? What's the point of soothing narrative if you are making fun of it by those disturbing noises

  10. This is an extremely excellent animation with excellent sound design. Remember these names:
    Directed by Joe Bichard

    Music and Sound by Skillbard

    Additional Voice Talent by Sophie Koko Gate

    Additional Animation by Joe Sparrow

  11. Last number is no excuses!
    Create a better life by yourself without giving up on the right things and value the small things.

  12. You don't really need to watch the whole video. Skip to 4:09 and you will know how compassion you could be to yourself.

  13. the duck seems like is her only friend ,and is so hilarious keeping her company even on climbing the mountain haha 🙂

  14. I loved the transition sounds. To hell with people who didn't like them. I am sure many loved them and you should continue adding more of such transition sounds in your future videos.

  15. 3:28 "rehearse the internalised voices of all those who've been kind to you".
    see, that's the problem. who do you think taught me self-hatred?

  16. Self-pity has a bad reputation, but consider an opposite: self-pitilessness. That's mighty cruel and doesn't smack of healthy attitude either. Compassion's better in any case, but pity's not so terrible, whatever the target.

  17. I just moved out of my parent's house to a big city for college. It's been a hard week, but this video somehow gave me some perspective. All the feelings I'm experiencing are normal, I just need to take it easy.

  18. This is hard to listen to as the background animation noise is not so ‘background’. Im not ‘watching’ the segment, only listening. And it’s intrusive.

  19. I just noticed this now, this channel puts subtitles in so many languages to reach more people. This is incredible.

    The content of this channel is amazing; I love it so much. It's my favorite channel, and this is coming from someone who can't choose between things.

  20. 3:50 "This too shall pass." That was one of my dad's two answers to everything. The other was, "You'll figure it out."

    He was right.

  21. 1.the task is huge
    2.didnt get it one is perfect
    4.luck is real you don't make it
    5 your achievements are only one of your several part
    6.reduce expectations and take a rest

  22. I watched the first few seconds of the video and am having a hard time paying attention anymore. I saw the girl whip herself in the back with a whip and thought… "I'll bet they sell those whips on Amazon. I wonder what they cost. I wonder what it feels like. I remember being 12 & Mom beating me into a corner with Dads belt (after he died) after being caught stealing a two dollar bill from someone I babysat for. I'll bet it feels like that, and there are certainly times I need a good beating." This came in kind of a flash thought, and what's weird is I am a no spank mama and grandma. I know it was wrong to be beaten, but it's in the past. Right???? Now, on to the rest of the video. 🙂 thanks by the way! Free therapy. 🙂

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