Reading More Fables (I swear I’m not a furry)


I think we humans find things covered in hair more cute. We’re more attracted to things covered in hair. And that’s why I’m a furry. (BANG) Hey, James! Hey…! …Furby? Everyone’s gonna put on 2000 dollar animal costumes and… walk around… Do you wanna come? 0_0 0__0 0___0 0____0 0_____0 0______0 No. But don’t let me stop you from this hobby of yours. I may not understand why you like it, but as long as you’re not harassing or hurting anyone, (Or anything…) then do whatever makes you happy. Also, shower regularly and eat your vegetables. Soooooo- in the last video I made a, haha, JOKE about being a furry. I said, given the choice between an animal with fur, and one without fur, that most people would think the animal covered in fur would be cuter and, hahaha, if we applied that logic to people, then EVERYONE would be a furry. I got a mixed bag of responses to that joke. ”Ok, I was looking at all the comments about James saying that he’s a furry, and in my opinion, it shouldn’t matter. If James is a furry and he told you, that means he TRUSTS you and thinks that you accept him the way he is.” ”I don’t care, I’m not watching him anymore.” Well, that’s really nice of you Mr. Branch! But I still don’t trust you. A lot of people were confused, so for the remainder of this video, every time I make a joke, it will be followed by this message: *air horns* Two muffins are in an oven. One says, “Boy, it’s hot in here!” And the other says, “Yeah, you live in Arizona, what’d you expect?” *air horns* But I’d say for the most part, you guys were very accepting. So that’s good to know if I ever do want to come out… As something. *faint airhorns* But if we wanted to talk about someone who IS a furry, then look no FUR-ther than 600 b.c. You have to look pretty far. What am I talking about? I’m talking about this man named Aesop. Ae-soup? Ae-sap? Ae-sooubway. This man was the world’s first furry. Ok, I’m calling him a furry because he wrote a lot of fables with talking animals in them, so I’m making fun of him for writing a lot of furry fanfiction. I’m making fun of a dead person… I made a video about a year and a half ago reading some of Aesop’s fables, and that video is what this official Odd1sOut shirt is referencing. Fables are short stories, usually with talking animals, that have a moral at the end. Characters in fables don’t have names; they’re just simple, cookie-cutter characters. You don’t have a fable with Michelangelo and Raphael from the Ninja Turtles, No, you have a fable with the tortoise… And the OTHER tortoise. So I’m gonna read some more of Aesop’s fables, but I’ll be focusing on just one character: The fox. The fox gets around. You could pick any animal and a fable exists with that animal being taken advantage of by a fox. The Fox and the Triceratops. That fable probably exists. With the amount of fables the fox has been in, you’d expect him to be more moral than Gandhi. Aesop really liked foxes. His fursona was probably a fox. The Fox and the Goat. So, once there was this fox eating some cheese. He wasn’t looking where he was going and he fell down a well. The fox had no way of getting out. Then, a goat just so happened to be walking by and said ”Hey, what are you doing down there, you silly goose?” ”Actually, (snickers) I’m a fox,” said the fox. “I was just drinking some of this lovely water-” “Is it good?!” “Oh, it’s only the best water in the entire UNIVERSE!” So the goat decided to jump down and join the fox. But then the Fox USED the goat. He used her as a stepping stool to get out of the well. The website I’m reading this from has an interactive picture that shows the events that happened. Let’s watch. (goat bleats) (epic music plays) (very loud explosion) So then the goat says, ”Whoa, buckaroo, aren’t you gonna help me out?” ”No. Instead, I’m gonna teach you a moral. If you had as much sense as you have beard, you would have been more cautious about finding a way to get out again before you jumped in. Look before you leap– –you stupid idiot. Okay, goodbye.” But fox, you fell into the well, too, you’re the one “not looking”! The goat looked, you just LIED to her, AND you got away with it! So the REAL moral of the story is, “you can abuse the people in your life with no consequences–as long as they end up dead in a well”. The Fox and the Crab. This fable’s pretty short. Once, there was a crab who was tired of living next to sand, so he decided to move to a meadow– –and then a fox ate him. (In the background) That’s the real fable! It counted as one of Aesop’s 665. And the moral is, “be content with your lot”. Don’t move, don’t travel, don’t try and live in a better location because a fox might eat you!! Just live in your studio apartment and deal with it!!! The Lion, the Bear, and the Fox. This baby goat (he’s a kid) went up to a lion and a bear and said, “Have you seen my mom? I haven’t seen her in a couple of weeks. She said she was gonna get some water and a pack of smokes, and she hasn’t come home” But the bear and the lion didn’t care. They started fighting each other over who would get to eat the baby goat and Then a fox jumped out of the bushes killed the kid and ran off with it I wonder how much Aesop got paid for these. Again the web site has a very nifty interactive picture That shows you exactly what occurred *super sneaks music* *explosion sound* And the moral of the story, [Those who have all the toil, do not always get the profit] I’m not exactly sure what that means Seems to me the moral should be don’t talk to lions and bears and watch out for foxes The Fox and The Grapes Basically what happens in this fable was that once there were some grapes growing on a really tall tree Do grapes grow on really tall trees? Maybe they did in 600 BC and the Fox really wanted some of the grapes. Do foxes like grapes? Maybe they did in 600 BC and so we try to get them himself But he couldn’t reach them and since the Fox didn’t want to ask for help. Probably because all the other animals hated him He said “Hey, I didn’t want your sour grapes anyway” [There are many who pretend to despise and belittle that which is beyond their reach] Which is where I think the phrase “Money is the root of all evil” came from people were upset that they couldn’t get money So they just said “I didn’t want your evil money anyway.” Okay, here’s the last fable: This one’s kinda sad. The Fox and The Scorpion So the Fox this whole time had been gathering ingredients to make the perfect sandwich he got the meat from an orphaned goat a sauteed depressed crab and Some cheese. He was also gonna get a side of grapes But he decided to go without them when all of a sudden a scorpion comes up to him and said “Hey, can I get a ride across the river? I’m too small to swim across.” “Ha, nice try, slick, if I gave you a ride. You just sting me.” “No, if I did that we’d both drown. It would be a lose-lose” “Alright, I’ll help you out. I’ve been acting like a huge jerk lately all to make this one sandwich But I’m gonna change starting now. For once, I’m gonna be helpful,” so the Fox gives the scorpion a ride when all of a sudden… *stab* *Fox screams* “Why’d you sting me?” “Because… I’m a scorpion, it’s in my nature” “Yeah, but you’re a talking scorpion I thought you’d have enough cognitive sense to know not to do that. You even said yourself that if you stun me, We’d both die” “Actually, I can hold my breath for six days” “WHAT?!” (The plot thickens) “Yeah, watch” *inhales* “My sandwich,” and then the Fox died he had no family no friends and no sandwich and that’s why you never help scorpions *one more airhorn* OOOOH! I Just lied to you guys, I pranked you. This fable wasn’t “The Fox and The Scorpion” It’s actually, “The Frog and The Scorpion.” The Fox never got stung He knows better than to help out another creature. Fox is too Busy looking out for number one, baby The frog’s dead though, and if it makes you happy the Scorpion died too, and the Fox got to enjoy his sandwich Still alone, but the end. Man, what a plot twist aren’t I so good at telling stories, so what did we learn children? We learned [Don’t ask for help] Don’t help out others, lie to people, take what you want, And you’ll succeed whoof This video took longer to make than I thought it would it’s been a while since I did an end card I missed you guys VidCon Australia was a lot of fun mate You know how in the beginning of the video? I said, I wasn’t a furry, but then for the rest of the video I just ended up drawing a bunch of foxes, so I don’t know if that technically makes me a furry I don’t know what the requirements are to be a furry, and I’m too afraid to ask I know I’m gonna get some dislikes for defending furries, but just chill out guys. It’s not a big deal We’re all gonna die one day anyway, and this is sort of relevant I think people who make fun of cringy kids are more cringy than the kids They’re making fun of adults are fair game and looking at you daddy Derek now It’s that time in the endcard where I thank rushlight and Vader for helping me color some of the pictures Without him this video, and this world would be a lot less colorful. Oh hey I’m recording this part later, but I also need to thank my furry friend of opsi who drew the anime Fox? Drowning part and now just as the Fox would say Ding ding ding ding ding which means wear your seatbelt. That was a bad joke. I’m sorry

100 thoughts on “Reading More Fables (I swear I’m not a furry)”

  1. Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaames"' wuuuuuut is a fuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrry meeeeeeeeeee"' BOOOOOOOOOGABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGA

  2. Making me uncomfortable on ones out I was out on ones out I was out on all the ones I always out always out add ones out I want out always out on one

  3. me when it showed the fox sinking in the water and then james said joke:
    they had us in the first part, not gonna lie.

  4. Ooo boy I got a spoiled mom mom and mom mom I got to get to my house and mom mom I got to get to my house and mom mom I got to get

  5. Wait a minute I know all of those foxes number 1 the Dora one number to the Fox on that car commercial number 3 Star Fox number for foxy

  6. I’m selling nonexistent dogs for 1 comment the comment can just be a letter like g also I have 98182828281929288337627226614114425263638991827363828920393938282002029201938373626155263339327216262727 of it

  7. Technically, us people aren’t hairless. We have tiny hair follicles all over our body.sooooo we are really attractive. ALSO ELEPHANTS THINK WE’RE CUTE SO HAH!!

  8. Hi James I am Mily I love you and your videos keep it up bro also are you going too make a new sooubway video anyway have a wonderful day and remember we are young and life is fun

  9. you didnt got me with your prank my dad already told me about the frog and the scorpion so i get suspicius (stupid)

  10. The requirements of being a furry is to know what they are and to want to be one and to accept yourself even when no one will I'd you are a furry so yes remember be yourself!

  11. Heh. It's kinda funny. In English class last Friday we were told about this story. But it was a frog and a scorpion.

    10 seconds later

    Oh nevermind.

  12. Wow sees foxy, clicks to see foxy, sees foxy hope for five nights at Freddy. Sees story, me " hurray! Fnaf plus James!"

  13. James: I'm not a furry

    Me: guess what I am and I don't have a problem with every one knowing that

    Also me: 3 minutes later* AHHH I LOVE FOXES IM AESOP lol

  14. Does the fox and the Scorpion seem like the the ginger man and the fox crossing the river in the ginger man book

  15. In my country it's spelled and writen Äsop (we learnd about him) and the fox and the goat was the first Fable I readed from him in school :0

  16. The Title says 'Reading More Fables (I swear Im not a furry.Yet,everybody that watches his videos hes a furry and even he knows it.

  17. That fox could've just gone to Sooubway, that's the real moral. "Don't be a jerk to make a sandwich, just go to your nearest sandwich shop."

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