wanted to ask for something but you didn't get it or you're afraid to ask for it well let me just say it another way you ever been held hostage what happens if somebody puts a gun to your face and says your money or your life what are you going to say I don't have any money so anyway today we have a very very important guest he is an FBI former FBI negotiator like the top FBI negotiator and he deals with guys who hold people hostage I mean it's all about communication we also have Blair singer who teaches the art and science of presentation sales and how to get what you want how to get people to buy from you rather than reject you and so it's going to be a very very important show more importantly how to get what you really want but also how to get what you want when you're afraid you might not get it any comments yes well Chris Voss who's gonna who's here by phone he he's not just a negotiator he was the lead international kidnapping negotiator for the FBI and he has some incredible stories and what better person to learn about negotiation from and how to get what you want then somebody who's been out in the field doing it for so many years and in unbelievable circumstances he's actually been 24 years with the bureau and has a book a great great book out one of just so impressed with this book it's called never split the difference negotiating as if your life depended upon it so before I go on Blair what he wore what do you want to learn from Chris today well I want to learn how to deal with the scenario when your emotion is running high and your intelligence goes low like just like a 15 year old when you want to crush him or they were holding everything they're holding on if you don't do this I'm gonna do that or you know that whole scenario when you just have exercised every option and you reach a roadblock and then your emotion takes over how do you stay calm and be able to negotiate it properly that's what I want you mean when your son says I'm gonna drop out of school and become a rock and roll singer or something like that please don't get me scared or how about when you get bumped off an airline oceans run pretty high yeah and they don't really care how do you handle when somebody's lying right to your face you know how do you just stay calm so welcome to the program mr. Chris boss well here you guys are you guys a great crumb happy to be on we're happy to have you on so before we begin can you just start by you know telling us a story a real-life story about one of the negotiation tests a trial that really tested your whole being this well you know there's this one with my son one you know I mean the the funny part about this is you know the stuff that I did in hostage negotiation we've been put right into business a personal life and exactly the same one one of my favorites from the book is you know I negotiated with the terrorists in the Philippines I was coaching a negotiation ten million dollars for an American citizen or they kill him we ten million dollars not just ransom but war damages and we summarized it simple skillet we actually we Stephen cubby them we that's right at them we did you know we black swandam and what do I mean by that colors that secrets understand and then be understood well how do you know if you you've been you understand the other side they say that's right to you so I coached my negotiator look just get this terrorist and believe me this was a head Chopin sociopathic egomaniacal terrorist leader get this guy to say that's right let's summarize everything in says get him to say that's right watch what happens because when what is that wine would you do that what does that mean what that's right why is that important I can't explain all the brain science behind it I mean but you can use empathy with the terrorists I know this sounds like sympathy for the devil 50 with the terrorists you know I have little rolling stone playing in the background but you use empathy actually to break through the other side's barriers you know it it hits them in a portion of their brain that sound guard and they're unguarded in their emotional and emotional brain it's where decisions come so when you when you get a that's right out of somebody you you basically it kind of sun-tzu them you you hit them where they don't expect headed where they don't expect to be at this guy literally said on the phone to us that's right What did he say that's right – they wanted 10 million dollars for this American because of 500 years of oppression from the colonial powers from the Spanish to the Japanese to the Americans violation of fishing rights economic damages for over 500 years – courses all nons you know and you would nobody ever had to negotiate with anybody – speak nonsense at em and her personal life were they my max wife yeah you're the guy who wants to raise or the the vendor who wants more money so repeat it all back to him summarize it summarize it and it's what I told my guy I said summarize everything the world according to bad guy get him to say that's right and everybody says well what's that gonna do I said just you know just just do it like the Nike so just do it so we went from 10 million dollars to zero in one competition just listed his grievances or his complaints or his point of view yeah you know what it sounds stupid doesn't know it sounds amazingly dumb but yeah it's pretty much it well you know you and you talked about in your book you talk because you mentioned empathy Chris and you talk about empathy as you know you're paying a tent you set out of your book paying attention to another human being asking what they are feeling and making a commitment to understanding their world you're not agreeing with them but you're letting them know you understand without saying I understand is that right that both those both those that right I got you know practicing on you at work when I was reading your I didn't read the whole book when I was going through it nothing really bugs me somebody says I understand and you know they don't understand you know it just infuriates me even worse so yeah so when you said just don't say understand you really should listen and understand or at least up without saying I understand so is that what you're saying yeah you know and and the thing I understand is what people say when they really mean please stop talking I want to talk now yes yes you know cuz bad is yes but throughout your book never split the difference I mean these are negotiation skills that you learned of course in the FBI but now you can now you're transferring them over into business and personal lives so let me just bring up one because we all we've all heard it and we all think we do it but probably most of us don't do it all about listening and you say listen with the mindset of discovery listening what what is that what is your distinction on listening that most of us don't have first of all most of the time if we lit most people if they listened at all it's so they could do an AHA to go high you're wrong but you know I've been pretty lucky in in a while I've been teaching at USC University of Southern California one of my gases Ned Colletti he's a former GM for the doctors phenomenal guy you took him from werster first or the first year he was their GM you know Ned's talking about negotiate with guys like Scott Boras and he says you know Scott will talk for two hours in the middle of that two hours is going to be 90 seconds of solid gold you don't you don't get that solid gold if you know if you're not silent if you're not listening for it if you haven't got a discerning listeners ear and that's what you listen for you listen to the solid gold it's going to make all the difference in a conversation or let you know where the deal really is that's that's what you're listening for hmm so let me ask on the other side the flip side of that coin what happens if you have somebody all they're doing is talking and there's a lot of those you know they just talk talk talk talk talk they're not even listening to themselves I think some of the time how do you write you know I love that guy because I'll use different hostage negotiation skills the stuff we teach for business to make him hear himself and then to the point where they suddenly get a quizzical look on her face like that I really just say that and those are very control oriented people which actually the secret to getting the upper hand is giving the other side the illusion of control so that guy think he's in control and pretty soon when steering the conversation where I wanted to go once I guess Robert Kiyosaki the Rich Dad radio show our guest today is Chris boss never split the difference and he's talking about one of the most important business skills personal skills marital skills family skills you can have is how do you negotiate with an idiot I mean with somebody who disagrees with and other guesses Blair singer who is my expert on how to you you know present from the front of the room but also how you sell one-on-one to somebody and as Blair I was you know that old saying goes you know salesmanship begins when the customer says no and then Chris has whole new distinctions of what happens when you deal with a terrorist somebody who is now out of control out of reality a lot of the times and made it a desperate situation yes so Chris let me ask you about something's happened recently United Airlines dragging that poor passenger off the plane that was like one major myriad of negotiations that could be happening what would you have done if you were the person trying to get this guy off the plane how would you have handled it a real great way to break somebody's thought patterns is I asked him questions where the answer is no but it favors me where they answer no but it favors you okay right because the flipside um the first question is to him would be do you want to get hurt he's gonna say no yeah but Andy and it's critical you know you don't say these things as a threat you know if if you're gonna get that guy out of there instead of instead of any question that you would normally ask like do you want to come off peacefully you can flip that to a simple no question um do you want do you want us do you want to force it to use violence on you don't and I just matter-of-factly um because it's stupid as it sounds you'll be stunned of what people willing to say no to because when you say no you're in control maybe I can control your protect yourself well I was reading in the URL some of your feedback and in your book here most people are trying to get the customer or whatever the other person to say yes and you say it sometimes more effective to say get them to say no now why what is the psychological or emotional difference between a person saying yes or a person saying no like you use the example of would it be terrible if I sat in this section here or something like that you know so sorry saying yes they can say no it wouldn't be terrible but it yeah there's two problems with yes the first the first problem is since yes is commitment people always worry about what they're letting themselves in for you know if I say yes that it's worse is going to go what's going to happen so yes by definition and creates some anxiety because I don't know what I've left myself in for the other the other big problem with yes is you know it's so overdone of us now that nobody ever asks you lawyers call a corner never ask a question unless you know the answer in advance the answer is going to be yes nobody likes to be cornered if I ask you what day it is there is is today is today Tuesday you you're worried that I'm taking that someplace you know is it isn't it true you're in Scottsdale you know you know I'm sick I'm sick feel like you're being led yeah yeah well Kim and I have this friend of ours he's a Porsche salesman music yes and he took that you know sales course 101 I never graduated for him and he goes so Robert wouldn't you agree that this car here is the nicest car you've ever very driven and what don't you agree that's what you're talking about right yep right and that's that's like as a sales sales training ploy yeah anything was about that Blair yeah I mean the tradition traditional sales training is just getting to say yes as many times as you can not a nun train them and now that they're all ready cause you said Kris they're committed they've they're in a level of commitment so they actually feel a little bit ashamed if they start to back out if they said yes so many times I feel uncomfortable that this guy's leading me on he wants me to say yes I want so I want to find a way to say no right now this this it was the Porsche Cayenne when it first came out I was its good friend of mine but he said you don't hey Steve you don't have to use your sales techniques on either I like the car but wouldn't you agree that you know your last porch was a really good port to Steve cut it out so so Chris you're saying that by saying nope the person feels more comfortable they don't feel like they're being set up yes it's nuts it's crazy I mean we've experimented with us to ridiculous degrees I get I get employees saying to their bosses do you want me to fail oh whoa that's pretty good question Wow time I mean you'd be stunned at what people will comfortably say no to it's crazy yeah so let me ask you this back to United Airlines for a second so you're on the one side trying to get the passenger off could the passenger have used some of your techniques to negotiate it staying on the plane well you know this is this is an interesting question because that situation reminds me of certain sort sorts of hostage takers when when they get backed into a corner you know what's the outcome this guy really wants like if if I'm that passenger at that point in time I actually my strongest position is to get drugged off that point you know because I in my view I thought there was a violation of an agreement between the airline and the passenger in my view were I the passenger I'm gonna want to get drugged off that plane I'm probably not gonna get hurt that bad and you know it's going to be dramatic people are going to take phones I mean the most dangerous negotiation is one you don't know you rent the airline and the law enforcement officers were in one negotiation two passengers in a completely different one with completely different stakes interesting I think he was the only one that saw what was really going on there and he saw a different outcome from so interesting answers what was that I mean here that is interesting he really wanted to get dragged off I mean if I'm that guy and you know dispassionately step back in any negotiation look at what's really at stake here look beyond the next five minutes take a little bit more long term perspective um I thought I found that passenger I want to get drugged off the plane I don't I don't want to leave voluntarily yeah I like it I like that's great this is great well okay once again is Robert Kiyosaki the Rich Dad radio show we're talking to Chris Foss his book never split the difference negotiation negotiating as if your life depended upon it and many many program again because anything worth listening to is worthless into two or three times so you can go to Rich Dad and listen to this interview with Chris Voss who's an FBI and negotiator is a lead negotiator he actually had life-and-death situations and lots of money involved so listen to this program again on Rich Dad and especially we have friends or family members of business associates whose lives or wealth depends upon the ability to negotiate so Chris really quickly would you give us another kind of a life in that story because you know most of us leave our most mammals exciting part of the day is watching you know Jerry Springer so so I tell you they could use your negotiation skills in the spring yeah but anyway can you give us a real another real-life example of where it was life and death or money or the guy was unreasonable yeah one of my favorites was back in the Philippines again this time is just a cryptic criminal operation over to a cab driver who's kidnapped and people out of his cab you know you put an ether on them and render them unconscious and taking them to the basement in his house and ransom them out and we uh we get in the middle of this negotiation and I'm just getting the sense cuz this crisis using the plural pronouns far too much he won't take responsibility for anything he's always talking about the the rest of the gang the other guys that are there who else is in charge you know and this is actually a great technique of a lot of very influential people when they come to the table they don't want to admit they have influence so they're going to seem like they're completely controlled by people outside of the room and they use a lot of we they in them a limited authority I'm not responsible and they don't use and they don't use i right alright not will not use a singular pronoun to save their life and you know and in the opposite the guy or gal at the table who's in love with the words I me and my they don't have a lot of influence on their side and just trying to make themselves feel good at the table they're trying to magnify the position interesting Wow so you know this guy saw the same thing and kidnapping is kidnapping is an international business it's a commodity business it's just hard bargain what does that mean what that means is they run it like a business they got negotiators they got people who control the inventory they got people who are decision-makers and typically we don't have a decision-maker on the phone and just like a normal business negotiation in many cases or the guy you gotta deliver but this this guy we're talking to he's just he's just doing too many the pole Pro knows if he later turns out to be not just the boss but he's running a one-man operation which is the only time we ever encountered that we just started peppering this guy with you know a lot of very well-crafted what and how questions from a differential point of view it's usually you know how he's supposed to do that what's going to happen if we can't do it how's this going to work out and the and this guy he wanted he wanted us to pay him little by little while he research to ransom it will it work so we decide we're gonna we're going to get into a bargaining situation over the small payment and finally at the guy I'm coach and I get him to say when we run out of money paying you the small amount what's going to happen it's what we call the time-travel confrontation when this happens what's going to be the outcome and it was his long silence on the other line and our killer and he was a killer they say we caught this guy and he made him for several other homicides he says it'll be all right and I'm like I start almost doing a celebratory Super Bowl dancing because this guy we have just got him to say he will never hurt our hostage the winner Branson we end up rescuing him we rescued him at a house and arrested our kidnapper Wow Wow and you said something in your story Chris because I read this also is that you you ask questions of the hostage negotiator on the other side you know how am I supposed to do that how can I get the money and you kind of put it back on them what does that do that's kind of crazy it makes them feel like they're in control because people love to be asked how to do stuff and you know we use the how question open various forms of it you know how we're supposed to pay if we don't know our hostage is going to come out you know you start making conditional how questions the other side feels in control but you really box them in they have no idea dental is there an example that's fairly common in business where that shall call strategy or style works well the first one is get good and get won't be willing to say in a very kind way how am I supposed to do that and be able and be willing to keep saying it until the other side finally does in fact say cuz you have to because what he's just done with when you get good at that how question you've done the negotiators job which is find out how much is there and you have pushed the other side to to them to just short of their limit and kept them in the deal when they look at you and say because if you want to deal you're have to do it bang you just met your first goal as a negotiator which is what and find out how much is on the table okay so if I say to you you know what what's your budget everybody's used to that question so whether though that we have a good friend we have a great good friend whose wife's taking them over the coals right now could you help him out you guys you guys trying to give me a call and it's watching everything this I mean where is a good friend of ours he says you know I thought we had all settled and then she called it another negotiator on him and up the price again even after they agreed to the deal so I said obviously she hasn't got enough pain yet out of you you know I mean have you ever seen that what the deal changes well yeah you know what happens a business all the time and when they change out people and so that you know focus comparison is acceptable it's another definition for confrontation it's how to be confrontational without attacking when somebody does something like that to you say you say this it looks like you're trying to teach me that I cannot rely upon your agreements hmm ooh I like that Wow yeah that's a good one and that's that's just an application of a skill that we call a label which is you are allowed to label to make an observation of whatever dynamic is presented to you and the negotiation is that you know you're not required to ignore it and when somebody's double-dealing you say it looks to me like you're trying to teach me that I can't trust you okay once against Robert Kiyosaki the bitch chair radio show our guest today is Chris Fosse is the number one lead negotiator for the Federal Bureau of Investigation especially international hostage and I think it's very important for all of us to learn it's about negotiation with whether it's in terrorist situation or at work another terrorist situation or with your children your ex-wife your former husband and all that other stuff it's all one big negotiation and so I guess today is Chris Voss this book has never split the difference negotiating as if your life depended upon it and so Chris has already been sharing what's alight to negotiate with real murderers and killers and hostage takers but as you know and anybody who's been in real business knows that it's one big hostage situation all the time so we have Blair singer here here's our rich debt adviser on sales dogs but also little voice masteries also teaches companies all over the world how to get the customer to sort of buy your product right Blair that's right that's right but it's always one big negotiation it's a negotiation and Chris your information has been fascinating can I ask a question that yeah yeah so you're talking about earlier before the break you were talking that when people start to change the deal on you or they wanna divert and good and change the subject or they want to bring in they want to get even somehow other and say you were a jerk over here so that's why I need this now how do you keep them focused and stay get them on point and get them to stop running around so you can keep them cornered if that's what you're trying to weigh yeah a couple things again that you know the secret to gaining the upper hand and giving the illusion of control we could get us back to this time I supposed to do that if somebody tries to change things on you and what you're looking at you know there's you can either respond with the label that I talked about earlier sounds like you're trying to teach me that I can't rely on what you're saying or you just look somebody in the eye and say how am I supposed to do that and you know that really if you're dealing with a really tough negotiator on the other side or somebody's really changing up I mean now you're trying to where the guy out know exhausting a difficult adversary it's a great skill they're going to try and exhaust you that's weather change their subject all the time that's why they're jumping all over the place that's the guy who tries to where the car salesman out by spending three hours looking at a card in one yeah how about if somebody says I'm gonna sue you well my first reaction that is going to be sounds like I've offended you and that goes back label it sounds like it seems what it sounds like I mean somebody's not somebody's saying it Brennan they're gonna sue you for one or two reasons it's a manipulation tactic or they've really been offended okay so there's one big premise to this whole thing is when they're saying this you have to stay calm what happens when your emotions start coming up and the anger starts coming up and all of that starts coming up how do you keep that in check I'm glad I don't have that yeah you don't have that problem ever I don't know how do you keep that in check well you know there's there's two ways you know four way number one which just takes some practice is the more focus you are on the other side's emotions it compartmentalizes your old brain good like if you're really studying them and trying to say wow this person looks really angry right now it compartmentalizes you out of that portion of your amygdala your limbic system where you lose control every now and then I do get mad though you know I get mad and you get you into downward spiral and then there's a little bit of you know reminder I realized gratitude is an overused word but you know if I say you know I'm lucky I'm only in this conversation because I'm successful I'm really kind of lucky to be having this argument with that out I actually automatically does it puts me a positive frame of mind is 31% more efficient if I can put myself gratitude makes you smarter because you're in a positive frame of mind now I can navigate much quicker and that's how I deal with get get the attention off if you start stop think about me me me me me take a step back focus on the other person is that yeah you know that whatever the percentage of the deals that will make that make make the deal for you let the process work for you you know I'm greedy I want to do as little work as possible you know this negotiations been described as the art of living the other side have your way right well you got to get them talking you know you get them talking ask them some now how is that going to work what good is that going to do the how and what questions again you get them relaxed enough till they talk trades they you hear what you want to hear then you look at him you go brilliant that's a great idea once again why because I could never stay at radio show we're talking to Chris Foss his book is a very important book never split the difference is negotiating as if your life depended upon it and his life and his hostages lies as a lead negotiator for the Federal Bureau of Investigation has given them insights as to how to negotiate with irrational or unreliable people or people who are hyper emotional you talk about the different voices you use as as a negotiator can you explain it well there's a late night FM DJ you know and I use that when there's a term in the contract that just gotta go like my company we don't do work for hire and I never say to somebody you got to take their clothes out because that's an order and it's there all sorts of problems with making that statement so I do in the late-night FM DJ voices I say we don't do work-for-hire and then I shut up I shut up and they'll come back and oh say will let me go to my lawyers and see if I can get it give him to take it out now I go brilliant because I just got him to say what I needed him to say him or her to say not it if it's his idea the chances that it's going to happen or much higher so I let it be their idea you know I go wow you're great so what happens what happens when you use FM late-night DJ voice to the the other person their brain shuts down why is that actually it's actually a – it's actually the first thing they teach hypnotherapists when they're teaching them how to hypnotize people it shuts the brain sounds like my high school classes I blame a shutdown those the time sounds yeah okay so that's one voice what's the other voice well is that the relationship boy in voice a person is just happy to talk to you I mean they love talking to you and you can feel the energy in their voice and this actually gives us it does two things first of all it makes you more like a bull and there's some good data out there that indicates that you're six times more likely to make a deal with somebody you like so you increase your deal making ability just by smiling at people it increases the chances they'll speak to you again because they remember that the last time I spoke to you they're not sure what it was that they enjoyed the interaction and if there's this ongoing great bundle of benefits of just making a point to smile at people when you talk with them and that's that's the second voice good no and there's a third voice the third voice is the natural assertive voice it's my natural default mode it's a guy who's directed says he's gaga thinks of themselves as direct and honest but they're actually talking to them is like getting hit in the face with a brick and it's really counterintuitive it doesn't do you any good and those of us that are natural born or certains which is about a third of the population we think we're just being directed on it and it just erupts into arguments so much of the time and you know and not taking any political position at all but a current president United States you know he's got the education and his daughters just said look my dad's just direct and honest that's all Ivanka says my dad's just direct and honest people just don't like it well which is it and that's true yeah people don't like it you know Ronald I don't know for sure how much more direct Donald Trump is and Ronald Reagan was but Ronald Reagan smiled at everybody everybody loved Ronald Reagan yes so he was he kind of came across as your positive playful voice yeah yeah look how far he got the great communicator yeah same with Clinton yep let's say you really hate the best I mean the other person you really just hate on the Appel respect how do you approach who do you have to be when you approach that type of negotiation or communication yeah I get myself into that mindset first of all you can you can self label and calm yourself down and there's scientific data that proves that that happens like if you if you say to yourself you know I I really think this guy's a jerk I mean I hate dealing with this guy that will actually dial your own negativity down some and help you get in more control the other part of this is I mean this is tactical empathy approach it's also Daniel Goleman calls of cognitive empathy he says the people that are best at it are sociopaths like if I really don't like you I'm just going to lock into total cognitive tactical empathy and I know that I'm really gonna have the upper hand the whole time so you'll be empathetic yeah yeah yourself yeah I don't I divorce myself so yeah absolutely I mean I don't I don't equate empathy to sympathy I quote empathy weaponized not very great empathy use the mercenaries tool and that's what this is about once again Robert Kiyosaki Thermage a radio show we're talking to Chris Voss late international oshi 8 for the Federal Bureau of Investigation this book is a must read for everybody who is in business married or with kids thanks Pat let's never split the difference negotiating as if your life depended upon it because we all know we took we you know I don't know how I know I'm always negotiate with difficult people some such a nice guy but anyway and Chris your label and Chris you're the founder and CEO of Black Swan group and your website is Black Swan Ltd Black Swan limited calm and you have a newsletter correct yeah we get that complimentary comes out once a week you know complimentary means it's free at an old friend of mine is to say if a trio take three you know and it's real digestible stuff they're short articles you can you can even get through in about three or four minutes once a week the simplest way to subscribe to it is to send a text to 2 to 8 to 8 and send the words that's right th ATS righ t all one word no apostrophe no punctuation you know the magic phrase that's right and those spaces in no punctuation sign up for the newsletter – 8 – 8 okay we're going to do that all right so so Chris one one last tip for our listeners that what is if you were going to give them the main thing and to be a better negotiator to be able to get more of what you want what would be the main thing that you want to leave our listeners with let the other side go first it's like playing rock paper scissors only the other side goes first let them go first and then figure out where you want to go for me so if they go scissors first and you throw the rock at him hey I was kind of hoping that this was the different word but you know you use the f-word that's my favorite word except that your word your f-word is fair that's not the same f-word I is what surprised how often the F bomb gets dropped in a negotiation that's not fair right yeah so how do you what do you mean by fair well it you know it's be fair or I I will use it for actively I'll say listen I want to treat you fairly because I know deals to get the rails over fairness and people never say it to let they're upset so I'll say right up right up front I'll never say this is a fair offer I'll say I want to treat you fairly and as soon as you feel like I'm not I want you to let me know so we can stop and fix it because at some point in time somebody's going to use say that you know I've either given you a fair offer or they're more often they'll say I just want what's fair which is accusing you being on yes or let's be fair let's be fair which sounds like exactly that you're not being fair and it always covers up weakness in position we could go on for this forever and where time is fascinating once again our guest today is Chris Voss as well as Blair singers a rich did adviser on sales and Chris fauces book has never split the difference negotiating as if your life depends upon it because it really does is probably the number one skill especially in today's world where things are all with tips and especially your friends or family and all that you know because life is a negotiation life is about sales life is just how you say things and all this you know you can have knowledge but communication is like the jet engine to knowledge as so many people leave school with knowledge but they never learn communication and that's why they're in trouble especially in entrepreneurship they quit their job and they find out they can't sell or they can sell but they let's say the job is paying them $10,000 a month but they can only sell 6000 worth of month it's an inability to sell so that's why we have Blair singer here is rich debt advisor on sales this book at sales dogs but the other book is called a little voice mastery and we are about study so once again I want to thank Chris Voss never split the difference negotiating as if your life depended upon it so and if you want to get his newsletter his website is Black Swan limited Black Swan Ltd com but he said if you just text at 2:00 to 8:00 to 8:00 and write in that's right you will have subscribed to his free newsletter highly recommend it so thank you all for listening but this is what the questions come in but anyway submit your questions to ask Robert at Rich Dad dot-com so Melissa what's the first question our first question today Robert comes from Bill and Waterford Connecticut favorite book Rich Dad Poor Dad I want to raise how do I get over my fear of asking for what I deserve in salary for my job communication is worth studying so I would get this book never split the difference by Chris boss negotiating as if your life depended upon it and study the subject for example you know oftentimes say I'm not a best writing author I'm a best-selling author and Kim knows this when I was writing the book we're studying a book by Robert Cialdini called influence so Kim and I would sit together as you know husband and wife and we sit down we discuss how we influence people and so Rich Dad Poor Dad becomes the best-selling book and all the academics say well you can't write I said what does it make a difference I sell more books than you do or you know another book was called positioning by trout and race and you study these books because that's called communication it's not knowledge there's a very big difference communication is the engine of knowledge and if you're sitting that wanted me to give you an answer you're very lazy person when I'm telling it as best I can right now my success doesn't come from my grades my success comes from I studied great books like never split the difference negotiation life depend upon it by Chris boss please hear what I'm saying so do we oh yeah well here's the thing that we don't just read the book we go out there so so Robert Robert tell Dinis book was is influenced and we've actually had Robert eldini on the show you can go back up to the are – listen to that show we took his principles and we went out and we practiced them we practice them regularly this is what I'm loving about Chris Voss's book never split the difference there are little things in here that we already started practicing after we were reading this we were practicing it on the radio show we're going to practice it you can practice it at home we're going to keep practicing these things so they become part of us we don't just read a book you got a practice practice practice so what is me okay with you if you study this book and you got a lot richer you got beyond the race and you became a better would that be would that be better for you or not you know then just to raise so Blair tell them how much you and I practice before we became speakers well we practice day in and day out every week we would lock ourselves in rooms and practice handling objections practicing presentations getting hot question hot questions being heckled until the point where when then when you go out when there's real money on the line and there's real feelings on the line you're prepared you practice you practice as Kim said you practice you know people will practice their golf game they'll practice tennis they'll practice all kinds of stuff but probably the most important skill in business which is your ability to communicate they're not going to practice well I know how to talk so I know how to communicate which is crazy it's it is probably the best investment you can make in your education learning how to communicate and when I talk to people about how do I become an entrepreneur I said you know the first thing I had to learn to do from rich debt I had to learn how to sell so I said who was the company that did the best sales training it was Xerox they sell PSS professional selling skills that's what they market so I worked really hard selling myself into Xerox to get a job just so I could attend Xerox sales training school beginning advanced and even after that I continued to take classes on how you communicate over the phone how do you handle hot questions and all this so that's my long way of saying it so the knowledge is just knowledge but your communication skills is the jet engine or the fizzle instead of the sizzle that gets you to where you want to go so I could give you an answer you get a raise but I don't even know if you deserve it I think that's one of the most stupid words I ever heard use I heard it on some TV shall the woman woman listen why should we hire you because I deserve it I deserve it well if you really deserve that you would've been hired you know I mean it's idiots people are effing idiots they're fair idiots so study again the book has never split the difference neck negotiated as if your paycheck depended upon it by Chris Foss any question next question Melissa our next question comes from Michelle in Long Island New York favorite book Midas touch she says I work with mainly an all-male staff I have a strong personality no different than the guys on my team yet I'm always told I need to quote tone it down and be less aggressive than my approach I want my boss to back off and just accept that this is who I am and it's also what makes me successful what should I do I don't know but I already feel my hot coals were being raised right now Kim came I mean you hear that all the time I hear it a lot I hear it a lot and you know there's no simple answer it actually does go back to the same answer of study and practice because Michelle could take some of the things out of this book never split the difference and start practicing it some of the things that Kris was sharing about how to talk to her boss what she could do what she could say she could practice it because you don't have to compromise who you are to be who you are but if as long as she thinks that's the excuse for her not getting what she wants in life that's an excuse so I think she's using it as an excuse that's right I heard an expression once that there's really the problem is inflexible communicators see if you don't study how to communicate then she only has one way to communicate which is what we're saying on the last question study the process there's different communication modes different ways they're in different scenarios all those things that we can't give an answer to here but if she's concerned about that for herself then it's probably worth buying a book or two and doing a little bit of studying a little bit of practice yeah and I think I think Shari knows what her label is we all know the label you know while dealt with women who are bee bees and it's really tough to deal with them because they think it's being a woman when really what it is is not a good communicator but oh it's because I'm a woman well that's an excuse but that really what it comes comes down to so I'll say it again i wrote Rich Dad Poor Dad after reading one book called influence but also another book by trout and race called positioning and you can see it in my title egos position goes what the reach teaches your kids that the poor middle class do not I didn't just come up with that I studied that and most people who are in sales and all that don't study would you go with that Blair I agree they just figure they can wing it or I'm naturally sit a good communicator I'm naturally not the truth of it is it's something that everybody needs to study and practice practice practice hey comments Kim so just very quickly another book that we're studying called the untethered soul talks about when whenever you're upset or disappointed it's because you've added something to reality you've added your expectation of what reality is so she has an expectation michelle has an expectation of how she should be treated versus stop thinking about herself just as Chris Voss was saying and start looking at the people around and start being as you said they are much more flexible in your communication and I will say it again the rich day radio shows not here give you answers you know if you want answers talk to a financial planner they'll tell you what to do save money and invest in their mutual funds I mean what a stupid answer to get but you'll do that and here we are and we say we don't do that because we study and we study communication and we study a real estate we studies sales we study legal we study constantly and poor people don't study that's the big difference so please submit your questions to ask Robert at rich dad radio and I think Chris loss for never split the difference for all of you out there who are willing to increase your communication skills and your success in life please get this book in


  1. Read this book it is fantastic but I'm wondering why this information is not buried? What happens when the terrorists find this book? Do you want them to win? How are we supposed to when if they have the same information we have? See what I did there? LOL

  2. March of the Irishmen with fake teeth and homocidal smiles, oyez oyez pine box homecomings that only mom could ever be proud of.

  3. Human Race is Fixed!!!

    Not to Prevent The Strong From Winning
    but to Prevent the Weak From Loosing.
    I Am Grateful My Health


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *