MEETING THE ENEMY A feminist comes to terms with the Men’s Rights movement | Cassie Jaye | TEDxMarin


Translator: Isabella Boux
Reviewer: Queenie Lee In 2013, I decided to meet my enemies. I was a 27-year-old, award-winning
documentary filmmaker and a proud feminist. And I was determined
to expose the dark underbelly of the men’s rights movement. At that point, all I knew
of the men’s rights movement was from what I’d read online, that it’s a misogynistic hate group
actively working against women’s equality. Well, the vast majority
of my previous work was about women’s issues. I directed documentaries
about reproductive rights, single motherhood, and the need for more girls
to get into STEM education. So when I learned that no one had ever
documented the men’s rights movement in a film before, I saw it as an opportunity
to continue fighting for women’s equality by exposing those preventing it. So for one year, I traveled North America meeting the leaders and followers
of the men’s rights movement. I spent anywhere
from two hours up to eight hours, interviewing each individual
men’s rights activist, also known as MRA, and I filmed 44 people total. And there is an important rule
in documentary filmmaking. As an interviewer, you do not interrupt. So I’m asking questions,
and I’m getting their full life story. And in the moment, I didn’t realize it, but now looking back I can see, that while I was conducting my interviews,
I wasn’t actually listening. I was hearing them speak, and I knew the cameras were recording, but in those moments
of sitting across from my enemy, I wasn’t listening. What was I doing? I was anticipating. I was waiting to hear a sentence, or even just a couple
of words in succession that proved what I wanted to believe: that I had found the misogynist. The ground zero of the war on women. A couple of times, I thought I had it. There was one men’s rights activist that said to me, “Just walk outside and look around, everything you see was built by a man.” Oh! That statement felt anti-women. I felt my jaw clench, but I sat quietly,
as a documentarian should, while removing all the space
between my upper and lower molars. (Laughter) After my year of filming, I was reviewing the 100 hours
of footage I had gathered, replaying and transcribing it, which believe me when I say no one will ever listen to you more
than someone who transcribes your words. You should write that down. (Laughter) So, I was typing out every word meticulously, and through that process,
I began to realize that my initial knee-jerk reactions
to certain statements weren’t really warranted, and my feeling offended
did not hold up to intense scrutiny. Was that statement about men having built the skyscrapers
and the bridges anti-women? I thought, well, what would
be the gender-reverse scenario? Maybe a feminist saying: Just look around, everyone you see was birthed by a woman. Wow! That’s a powerful statement. And it’s true. Is it anti-male? I don’t think so. I think it’s acknowledging our unique
and valued contributions to our society. Well, luckily, while I was making The Red Pill movie, I kept a video diary which ended up
tracking my evolving views, and in looking back on the 37 diaries
I recorded that year, there was a common theme. I would often hear
an innocent, valid point that a men’s rights activist would make, but in my head, I would add on to their statements,
a sexist or anti-woman spin, assuming that’s what they
wanted to say but didn’t. So here are two examples
of how that would go. A men’s rights activist,
an MRA, would say to me, “There are over 2,000
domestic violence shelters for women in the United States. But only one for men. Yet, multiple reputable studies show
that men are just as likely to be abused.” I would hear them say, “We don’t need 2,000 shelters for women. They’re all lying about being abused. It’s all a scam.” But in looking back
on all the footages I’ve gathered of men’s rights activists
talking about shelters and all the blogs they’ve written and the video live-streams
they have posted on YouTube, they are not trying
to defund women’s shelters. Not at all. All they’re saying
is that men can be abused too, and they deserve care and compassion. Second example. A men’s rights activist would say to me, “Where is justice for the man
who was falsely accused of raping a woman, and because of this accusation, he loses his college scholarship and is branded with the inescapable
title of a rapist.” I would hear them say, “A woman being raped isn’t a big deal.” It’s as if I didn’t hear the word
“falsely” accused of rape. All I heard was, “He was accused of rape.” Of course, rape is a big deal, and all the men’s rights activists I met
agreed it is a horrible thing to have happened to anyone. I eventually realized what they are saying is they are trying to add
to the gender equality discussion, who is standing up for the good-hearted, honorable man
that loses his scholarship, his job, or worse yet, his children, because he is accused of something
he absolutely did not do? (Sighs) Well, I couldn’t keep denying
the points they were making. There are real issues. But in my effort to avoid agreeing
with my enemy completely, I changed from putting words
in their mouth to acknowledging the issue
but insisting they are women’s issues. So here are two examples
of how that would go. A men’s rights activist would say to me, “Men are far more likely
to lose their child in a custody battle.” And I would counter: “Well, because women are unfairly
expected to be the caretaker. It’s discrimination against women
that women get custody more often.” Yes. (Laughter) I am not proud of that. (Laughter) Second example. An MRA would say to me, “Men are roughly 78% of all suicides
throughout the world.” And I would counter with: “But women attempt suicide more often. So ha! (Laughter) Ha? It’s not a contest. But I kept making it into one. Why couldn’t I simply learn
about men’s issues and have compassion for male victims without jumping at the opportunity
to insist that women are the real victims. Well, after years of researching
and fact-checking, what the men’s rights activists
were telling me, there is no denying that there are
many human rights issues that disproportionately
or uniquely affect men. Paternity fraud uniquely affects men. The United States Selective Service
in the case of a draft still uniquely affects men. Workplace deaths: disproportionately men. War deaths: overwhelmingly men. Suicide: overwhelmingly men. Sentencing disparity, life expectancy, child custody, child support, false rape allegations,
criminal court bias, misandry, failure launched, boys falling behind in education, homelessness, veterans issues, infant male genital mutilation, lack of parental choice
once a child is conceived, lack of resources for male victims
of domestic violence, so many issues that are heartbreaking, if you are the victim or you love someone who is the victim
unto any one of these issues. These are men’s issues. And most people can’t name one because they think, “Well, men have all their rights;
they have all the power and privilege.” But these issues
deserve to be acknowledged. They deserve care, attention, and motivation for solutions. Before making The Red Pill movie,
I was a feminist of about ten years, and I thought I was well-versed
on gender equality issues. But it wasn’t until I met
men’s rights activists that I finally started
to consider the other side of the gender equality equation. It doesn’t mean I agree
with all that they’ve said. But I saw the immense value
in listening to them and trying to see the world
through their eyes. I thought if I could get my audience
to also listen to them, it could serve as a rung on the ladder, bringing us all up
to a higher consciousness about gender equality. So in October 2016, the film was released in theaters, and articles and critic reviews
started to roll in. And that’s when I experienced
how engaged the media is in group think around gender politics. And I learned a difficult lesson. When you start to humanize your enemy, you, in turn, may be dehumanized
by your community. And that’s what happened to me. Rather than debating the merit
of the issues addressed in the film, I became the target of a smear campaign, and people who had never seen the movie
protested outside the theater doors, chanting that it was harmful to women. It certainly is not. But I understand their mindset. If I never made this movie, and I heard that there was
a documentary screening about men’s rights activists
that didn’t show them as monsters, I too would have protested the screenings or at least sign the petitions
to ban the film because I was told
that they were my enemy. I was told that men’s rights activists
were against women’s equality. But all the men’s rights activists I met
support women’s rights and are simply asking the question: “Why doesn’t our society
care about men’s rights?” Well, the greatest challenge I faced
through this whole process, it wasn’t the protests against my film, and it wasn’t how I was treated
by the mainstream media – even though it got
pretty disgusting at times. The greatest challenge I faced was peeling back the layers
of my own bias. It turns out I did meet
my enemy while filming. It was my ego saying that I was right, and they were subhuman. It’s no secret now that I no longer
call myself a feminist, but I must clarify I am not anti-feminist, and I am not a men’s rights activist. I still support women’s rights, and I now care about men’s rights as well. However, I believe if we want
to honestly discuss gender equality, we need to invite all voices to the table. Yet, this is not what is happening. Men’s groups are continually vilified, falsely referred to as hate groups, and their voices
are systematically silenced. Do I think either movement
has all the answers? No. Men’s rights activists
are not without flaws, neither are feminists. But if one group is being silenced, that’s a problem for all of us. If I could give advice to anyone
in our society at large, we have to stop expecting to be offended, and we have to start truly,
openly, and sincerely listening. That would lead
to a greater understanding of ourselves and others, having compassion for one another, working together towards solutions because we all are in this together. And once we do that,
we can finally heal from the inside out. But it has to start with listening. Thank you for listening. (Applause) (Cheering)

100 thoughts on “MEETING THE ENEMY A feminist comes to terms with the Men’s Rights movement | Cassie Jaye | TEDxMarin”

  1. Im pretty sure before we can get all of what she said at the end were either going to be under water or 5 feet under a sand dune as the sahara desert will b over each continent

  2. I’ve never hit any of my gf’s but have had 3 that abused me, I think women are faaar more abusive it’s just men do more damage when they do do it because they are stronger

  3. It's interesting that she had to go through all of that, to realise this. Being empathetic to peoples issues would of saved her a lot of time lol.

  4. I will admit for the first maybe 30 seconds i went into this with a preconceived notion of "she's going to talk about something she doesn't understand or tried to understand."

    Imagine how pleasantly surprised I was to find later that she'd started off in a similar mindset but had come to realise alot of us guys who speak on mens right are simply saying "we have our own set of problems. I'm not saying I don't want you to be supported in issues you face I'm just saying when we have a problem can we please get a little help too?"

  5. (Assign either Person A or Person B with gender of choice and the opposite for the other.)

    Equality is Person A struggles with something and Person B says "let me help."
    Together they get it done and later down the line Person B struggles with something so Person A says "let me help" together they get it done.

    Eventually both run into the same problem.
    Person A tries to solve the problem on their own and it doesn't quite work out.
    Person B tries to solve the problem on their own and it doesn't quite work out.
    Both then decide to work together on it and together they get it done.

    Ladies, gentlemen and anyone else I present to you equality in it's purest form.

  6. She needs to spread her new understanding to other feminists. I'm glad she is now "woke", but she is only a minority voice. Men and women are not competing, they are just two sides of the same coin. The current false narrative of victimhood as an answer to everything that happens is inhibiting rational discussions on both sides. Sometimes there are true victims, but the V word should only be used when actually warranted. Most of the time though people aren't victims, they are just on the losing side of a debate. Get over it. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. But you get up and try again. Losing doesn't automatically make you a "victim", anymore than admitting that someone is better at something means they are out to get you.

  7. I am very impressed I did not think any human had the ability to change their views this much 👏🏼

  8. If only all of us could have the courage to look in the mirror before we form our opinions. You are a courageous woman. I believe in rights for all equally. Rights for men, rights for women, rights for dogs, cats birds and any living thing. If you are here then you belong here and have the right to be respected and listened to.

  9. Wow! Beautiful! I’m speechless! The ability to come to terms with your own bias takes real courage and insight.

  10. She makes good points. The examples used are ridiculous. Using examples of men's groups being falsely labeled as hate groups would have been more useful to everyone.

  11. Problem is, she is not of uncommon intellect, good luck trying to explain this to the rest of the world, they just will not understand.

  12. The fight for equality needs to be equal. Amazing speech by Cassie that if anything, exposes the dangers group mentalities and pre-set mindsets are towards fair discussions.

  13. Our family laws are corrupt to the bones. Judges/lawyers have no education of real life events, all they look at is paperwork. There is a big difference between knowing a path and walking the path.

  14. I'll stop manspreading when women stop cuntsplaining!! Try living with a set of knackers and sitting squashing them together!

  15. No. I got duped into listening to Emma Watsons thinly veiled blaming of all men at the UN. If this lady is legit, she’s too late. I am already no longer listening. Think on who did this to me.

  16. single mothers just need to plan their lives better, instead of having their secret 'master plan" they
    think nobody knows about……?????

  17. Yes it is a huge issue we were given a diet of plastic in the 80's pumping synthetic estrogen into the population so now 30 year old men have less testosterone in them than their 60 year old counterparts did at 30. They in fact have equal testosterone levels on average now. That isnt good the 30 year old is supposed to have much more. Testosterone levels are dropping continuously and getting worse. What will we do when all our boys are pussies that cant even feel what it is to be men? It's like a long term castration game.

  18. Thankful someone ACTUALLY LISTENED and UNDERSTOOD for once! We both want equality. Instead of tearing down one side, let’s address issues on both!

  19. why do i get the feeling the people who disliked the video are the people who protested the film without watching it and almost certainly didn't watch the video all the way through.
    or didn't fully listen

  20. Isn't feminism for equality of the sexes? And the men's rights movement probably too…

    Then why the f are they enemies?

  21. I love the Joe Rogan Podcast, but I don't like that he thinks the Men's Rights Activists is a joke. He's a tiny bit too left for me.

  22. War on women? The women hosed themselves bigtime when they insistent on equal rights and the right to vote. Now they have to be slaves to the system..work every day and give up their hard earned money for taxes. They had it made. My wife came up with that. She is right.

  23. You actually understand. Superb! Do not stop speaking of this. We are in one of the most important times in human history. We must overcome those who would control us through fear, hate and division and have been for decades. We all need each other.

  24. Why is this sort of common sense and rationality so rare these days? People are so drawn to take sides that they miss the bigger picture.

  25. What you got to understand is that for one, there are absolute pigs made up of men and women. Secondly is that, from what if seen and experienced is that men through evolution and just the pure nature of things are absolutely over burden with responsibilities which the list can go on for miles detailing reasons. Not saying women don’t have burdens but to be honest men at least in today’s day and age have it worse. All I ask as a man is to just give us break and respect what we deal with.

  26. So what's the actual solution I'm tired of hearing how everything is problematic and needs resolve! Well I'm all ears all you ted talkers. You're also righteous charging money to talk about these issues and not bringing any solutions just frustrating people by reminding them that these sucky things exist and like I said no resolve none of you have any resolutions you're just making money off of misery shame on all of you

  27. please continue your work cassie jaye. you are truly on the right path for REAL equality and there needs to be more people like you working on this.

  28. I teared up watching this :/ It isn't easy to face yourself and confront your ego, casting aside your bias. It's scary and depressing and I think most people avoid it. This way of thinking can be applied to so many things today, as well as knowing that the media is manipulating us.

  29. Mgtow is here SEXBOTs are here no need for women anymore fleshlite cheep and easy save yourself from the feminists silent war , MGTOW the war is on till the end. MGTOW.

  30. This really shows why people need to LISTEN to those with opposing viewpoints. Take each other seriously, respect each other. Not everyone who doesn’t stand where you stand stands against you.

  31. “We have to stop expecting to be offended” I find it very offensive that she assumes I’ll just get offended by anything

  32. Why don’t we all talk about Human rather than men or women. Talk about biological structure rather than what we see from outside. Let talk about success of women rather than degrade the how a men successes. And so on

  33. This quote is pure gold 7:55 : "Why couldn't I simply learn about men's issues and have compassion for male victims without jumping at the opportunity to insist that women are the real victims"

  34. The most telling thing she said was, "I would have tried to get that movie banned". She glossed right over it. Even after her big paradigm shift, she seems to have no problem with the concept of banning art. This is the modern equivalent of book burning.

  35. This is what happens when you take the time to listen to your opposer. Hey far left and far right, take a note!

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