Life lessons from a psychoanalyst: Matheos Yosafat at TEDxAthens 2012

Translator: Dimitrios Stamatis
Reviewer: Chryssa Takahashi I am happy to be here today because I see a lively part of Greek youth, which at this moment
is not very animated in an energetic and active way. I returned to Greece because I thought I could offer
a few things in my field. Unfortunately my generation
disappointed my country a bit, so we expect from you,
the new generation to do something for a worthy nation because it has offered a lot, but still has dormant powers. The country is in a state of crisis,
as you know, but I will not get into
the economic and other matters, it is also a deep crisis,
social and psychological. The social one is that the country
is essentially destroyed as a society. As a collective human condition. Everyone is pursuing their own self-interest. The politicians are doing the same. We want our own, so we elect them. There is a situation that you all know,
we are all thieves to a small extent. Few people try to contribute something
for the common good. Maybe this gathering and TEDx
are very hopeful examples. And every attributes people had in the past in this country, have been partially disappeared. There is a lawlessness, as you know.
There is a hyper-consumerism, which everyone showed us
that it's the purpose of life. There is no team spirit. And we know from psychology
and psychoanalysis that man is happy only inside a network of relations
and when he offers things. In a very substantial language we call this love. It is not only romantic love and so forth,
but the possibility to coexist with people, in this short trip
we make through life, and through them to give and receive. This is not a moralistic lesson,
it is psychological. Namely a human who never gives
anything to others in the society he lives in,
cannot be happy, content. We see this every time with people
that are a little empty in that aspect. They might have money, success,
anything, but they do not feel good. They come to us, to the psychoanalysts
and say: "I feel a void, I cannot find meaning in life." And they are usually looking for it
through more consumerism more sex, drugs and so forth. And unfortunately this concerns
a big part of the Greek youth today, who is overly engaged with drugs, and sex, in a weird manner
and I do not have time to talk about that. (Laughter) I will give you an example. I see… (Laughter) (Applause) I see many people and young kids in my office and fourteen year old girls come over, often with suicidal tendencies. Or drinking drugs, or that sort of thing
and you cannot understand why. They are from a so-called good family. And when I ask them sometimes: "Well, can't you wait, you say I want to kill myself. It's beautiful in the sun, soon you are going to meet a young boy
when you grow older." Which they do not understand. After this conversation
she replies: "What, a hookup?" (Laughter) I say "Yes". That's not how
I learnt to call things back then. She said: "I've been with nearly fifty
and I am not interested." Fact. (Laughter) Well, this is not love,
but some sort of cheap hyper sexuality which after a while, without love without sentiment, without romance, there is no chance to give to the other person, it's just an organ exchange,
which after a while even though pleasant, leaves a void. Humans must connect. it is the only thing
that can make them happy. And to give. Those were my thoughts when
I decided to come to Greece. And what I tried to do, because here we talk about
what someone does, not only what he says, is that as a psychoanalyst,
I used to see very few people who possessed a lot of wealth so I decided — because I had been trained in England also in group and family therapy — to establish a company here which to this day has trained
around four hundred people. And these people now work in hospitals,
mental health centers, schools, with families and even
when these facilities are private the price is much cheaper. So, what do they learn there? Apart from all the problems they have, they learn to live with other people. That's where all the difficulties
that we have, come out, the aggressiveness that defines us in Greece. They learn to cohabit,
to share, to tolerate eachother and to stop projecting their problems
to other people all the time. This is a common thing in Greece where we are a little problematic and believe that everybody else
is responsible for everything. The other political party,
the other this, the other that. What can Greece do now. I will not talk from
a financial perspective. I believe that things will get better. The whole world is going through a crisis and I believe that Greece will be fine. And how can it be fine, it's the fact
that we are going through a crisis. And psychologically we know,
there is a theory called: "Crisis theory and intervention" where things either turn for the worse or the crisis softens us. It's like iron. When it is cold you cannot forge it. When you put it on fire,
it can be forged. So the crisis can create
a stirring inside us, and make us see things
a bit differently. To see that we are members of a country
and not just individuals. Because this is what we are missing,
we lack of team spirit in Greece. To consider the other person. We take someone else's job
just because we have connections. We drive in a very aggressive manner. Romantic relationships, marriage,
are not as qualitative as we think. The Greek family is a difficult family. I have worked with families
from many different nations in London. The Greek is one of the coldest.
Even though we are under the impression that it is a good one,
that we are tightly bonded. Many times we are so tightly bonded
that we cannot unbind. As you know, there are children,
not just now for financial reasons, that live with their family until their 40s. There are children that sleep
with their mother through her encouragement
until they become 32, 35 years old. We observe these. Though these are
more pathological cases. But this crisis can make us think, change a bit faster because the Memorandums and all that which in many cases they have
positive elements that promote change. I am not talking about the budget cuts and so on but about the reforms they propose. Some of them should
have been done years ago. We cannot do them
because change is not easy. But with the crisis it is possible to change. And as you see we have
many strong reactions. Maybe it needs more time. But if, in the medium term,
the country starts changing, Greeks are smart and capable and given a chance they can become giving persons. But society does not give us such examples. Maybe organisations like TEDx
and others, will slowly lead us to become better to each other. Now, what more can I suggest, since TEDx wants
so called: "Innovative Ideas". (Laughter) (Applause) I did my small part
as everybody does his job. This is what I could do, this is
what I did and I keep on doing. Lately, even though I always avoided it, I appear on television and other places. Again, to offer something
to the Greek families, to make people think through a few things. But what I propose and
is the most important thing and I had proposed in the past is to have life lessons in schools. A person has two types of conscious life. The conscious, the one where
I talk and you understand, and the unconscious which
was studied by psychoanalysis which on a large scale
is formed in childhood but after that,
it remains unconscious. That's where we have
all the problems, and as you know all the problems in the adult life, marriage, sex, our relationships,
to the choice of our partner, choice of job and all the rest,
they are formed by these experiences during the childhood years. And we see that
in every person we analyse. Since those are the basic elements, humans are not prepared
when they get out in life, to form correct relationships. The more mature ones succeed. But 80% of marriages are bad. 50% get a divorce, 30% do not get
a divorce because they cannot. Only 10% of marriages
are considered to be good. These derive from the childhood experiences, this subconscious is coming out in close relationships. marriage and the way we raise our children. In Greece this is a very bad way in most cases. This is why the new generation
is a bit lost right now. So if all these things exist,
what could happen? The lesson that could take place in schools starting from kindergarden until someone finishes high school would be a so-called life lesson. To have a team with some teachers, that are trained
in this collective experience, the one we use at the company I founded who could teach children how to live, empirically, the human relationships. This can happen through certain ways. I have described and done in London such life lessons to difficult children as well,
in schools for maladaptive children, and it had very good results. This will change every year depending
on the child's development so someone can learn
how to coexist with other people with authority, with love,
how to develop his creativity, how to cope with difficulties, how to make substantial
connections with people. This is something we do not learn and we come to life totally
unprepared for that. Somebody is getting married, has children, a mother's job is the most difficult job anyone can have. In order to learn a few things,
since I am also a child psychiatrist, I studied for 40-50 years,
and I still do not know very well. At the same time, a mother has a child, and she has no idea. The only thing she has is a tape recording
in her brain from her own mother. So the same mistakes are repeated
in every generation. If this thing could happen in schools, there would be a chance
for the next generation to become much better,
more social, more collective, with some elements,
if not of idealization, but of life interest. We come and go,
but we need to leave a trace. And we should use this time
to live with others, substantially, inside us. Without aggressiveness,
jealousy and envy, with all these things
that define our lives. Of course this does not apply
only to Greece. But for the rest of the world. Although Greece has
a very difficult social life right now, since the Greek state was founded
and it could have been due to the Turkish occupation,
or other things. In any case, we have not learnt
how to live with each other, that is why we always
have dictatorships, trouble, one political party opposing
the other and so forth. Therefore, if those lessons are made, and I am sure that they will
at some point, but when? You should also fight for this in order to achieve it
tomorrow or the day after. These are the things I wanted
to say and I thank you. Goodbye. (Applause)

20 thoughts on “Life lessons from a psychoanalyst: Matheos Yosafat at TEDxAthens 2012”

  1. Πολύ καλή ομιλία με εξαιρετικά συμπυκνωμένα, εύστοχα και βοηθητικά συμπεράσματα. Αλλά, από την άλλη μεριά, αυτή η καραμέλα της ψυχανάλυσης, ότι για όλα φταίει το ασυνείδητο (που κάνεις τελικά δεν ξέρει τι ακριβώς είναι με την επιστημονική έννοια) και η παιδική ηλικία, ΜΗΠΩΣ ΕΙΝΑΙ ΤΕΛΙΚΑ ΜΙΑ ΑΕΝΑΗ ΔΙΚΑΙΟΛΟΓΙΑ ΓΙΑ ΝΑ ΜΗΝ ΠΑΙΡΝΕΙ ΚΑΝΕΙΣ ΕΥΘΥΝΗ ΓΙΑ ΤΙΣ ΠΡΑΞΕΙΣ ΤΟΥ ΣΤΟ ΤΩΡΑ; Αυτά ως κριτική, χωρίς να θέλω να προσβάλλω την αξία του ομιλούντος, ο οποίος είναι καθόλα εξαιρετικός και το έργο του πολύτιμη παρακαταθήκη για τον χώρο του, αλλά και για την χώρα μας συνολικά

  2. Τί λέει ρε το άτομο, νε εγκαταλείψω το φθόνο και την επιθετικότητα. Και πως θα ζησω ρε μλκ

  3. Λίαν επικίνδυνος ο εβραιόσπορος!
    Ήρθε στην Ελλάδα να «βοηθήσει $»!
    Μεγάλη η χάρη του!
    Και η «Ελληνική» νεολαία τον χειροκροτά, σαν να είναι κουρδιστά πιονάκια.
    Θέλει λέει ο γεροτύπος να αρχίσει την πλύση εγκεφάλου στα μωρά της Ελλάδος από τα νήπια;;;
    Ψυχοπαθής, ναι!
    Ψυχαναλυτής, ΟΧΙ!

  4. Στα συνέδρ;εια, γιατί πάνε μερικοί. Για να χειροκροτήσουν φράσεις ''συμπαθητικές'' και να πάρουν το χαρτί παρακολούθησης

  5. Ενα διαμαντι για τον χωρο της Ελληνικης Ιατρικης, σε παγκοσμιο επιπεδο, και εμεις εδω περα καταφεραμε να κρινουμε καθε προταση του… Ειμαστε ο μονος λαος που εχει μεινει στο ενδοξο παρελθον και δεν κανει καμια αλλαγη και προσπαθεια για ενα καλυτερο και λαμπροτερο μελλον.

  6. οχι και ολοι λιγο κλεφτες, Καραγκιοζη! Κλεφτης εισαι και φαινεσαι.

  7. Ετούτος είναι σάν τόν γερο-λαδα στο χρηστός ξανασταυρώνεται τού καζατζακη… ουχαααααα ουχαααααα ουχαααααα ουχαααααα

  8. Βρίσκω ότι είναι εξαιρετικός άνθρωπος και επιστήμονας! Γενικώς θεωρώ ότι είναι προτιμότερο να μην ακούμε κάποιον αν δεν μας αρέσει, παρά να παραθέτουμε έναν όγκο από αυστηρές κριτικές και πολύ προσβλητικές. Που πρώτα από όλα προσβάλλουν εμάς. Αντί λοιπόν αυτής της διαδικασίας ,προσωπικά θα πρότεινα να παραθέτουμε τις δικές μας απόψεις η ενστάσεις!Όταν κρίνουμε κάποιον αν λέει κάτι το οποίο πιστεύουμε ότι δεν είναι σωστό ,ας προσφέρουμε εμείς την δική μας το σωστή άποψη αλλά με επιχειρήματα.

  9. Μιλάμε ότι σε σχέση με καλούς ψυχαναλυτές ο Γιωσαφάτ είναι αστείος…μόνο τίτλους έχει αλλά από ουσία μηδέν..για να μην σχολιάσουμε τα αστεία βιβλία του…δεν μπορώ να καταλάβω που οφείλεται η φήμη του παπουλη αυτού…

  10. Στο θέμα των ναρκωτικών θα διαφωνίσω.Κεντρική και βόρεια Ευρώπη οι νέοι ξεσκίζονται στα ναρκωτικά και σκληρές χημείες.βλ.Τσεχια,Πολωνία που έχω γνωστούς και φίλους παίζει πρόβλημα.Πολλά ακούω και για Γερμανία από γνωστούς που ζοθν έκει.Νομίζω πως θα διαφωνίσω..

  11. Ασε μας ρε γερο,μεχρι να πεις δυο λεξεις εχουμε κοιμηθει.ασε που λες τα πιο κοινοτυπα πραγματα που ηδη τα ξερουμε ολοι και εχουμε χιλιοακουσει. Κατι καινουργιο η εστω κατι πρακτικο δεν ακουσα. Αντιθετα καταλαβα ποσο εκπροσωπει την κοσμοθεωρια των βολεμενων και ,με την κακη εννοια, συντηρητικων ανθρωπων. Καμια μεταδοτικοτητα και καλοσυνη ,τιποτα εξυπνο και καινουργιο στον λογο του(καποιοι πιο κατω κανουν comment συγκεκριμενα πραγματα που ειπε) ,τι ρολο βαραει ολη αυτη η φαση και βγηκε εκει να μιλησει ?Και τελος φανταζομαι το χειροκροτημα ηταν απο ευγενεια και συνηθεια.


    Ο Καθηγητής Κ.Τοκμακίδης απο το Αριστοτέλειο Πανεπιστήμιο
    Θεσσαλονίκης,μας θέτει δέκα ερωτήματα που καλό είναι να μας
    προβληματίσουν,σχετικά με τις σκοπιμότητες της παγκόσμιας οικονομίας και
    των κέντρων που την ελέγχουν…Διαβάστε τα ερωτήματα και θα σας
    απαντηθούν αυτόματα πολλές απορίες, άσχετα αν αυτές δεν απαντώνται από
    τους "αρμόδιους"….

    Ερωτήσεις που δεν απαντώνται:

    1. Πως γίνεται και ενώ το Λουξεμβούργο, η Αγγλία, η Ελβετία, το Βέλγιο,
    η Γαλλία, η Δανία και η Αυστρία έχουν ΜΕΓΑΛΥΤΕΡΟ ποσοστό χρέους από
    εμάς, αυτοί να ΜΗΝ ΧΡΕΙΑΖΟΝΤΑΙ σώσιμο, αλλά αντίθετα έρχονται να σώσουν

    2. Πως γίνεται το Αφγανιστάν με περίπου μισόν αιώνα συνεχείς πολέμους
    να έχει μόνο 23% του ΑΕΠ του χρέος, την στιγμή που ξέρουμε ότι ένας
    πόλεμος μερικών ημερών μπορεί να " ξετινάξει" μία χώρα;

    3. Πως γίνεται να χρωστάνε 29% το Κουβέιτ, 54% το Μπαχρέιν και τα
    Αραβικά εμιράτα 56% την στιγμή που είναι παγκόσμιοι προμηθευτές

    4. Πως γίνεται στην Ελβετία με 271% χρέος, μία απλή καθαρίστρια σε
    νοσοκομείο να πληρώνεται με 2000 ευρώ μισθό όσα έπαιρνε την ίδια στιγμή
    (στα βρώμικα καρβουνο-εργοστάσια της ΔΕΗ) ένας «υψηλόμισθος» τεχνικός,
    ανώτερης στάθμης εκπαίδευσης, ενταγμένος στα υπερ-βαρέα/ανθυγιεινά με 25
    χρόνια προϋπηρεσία;

    Ερώτηση 5. Πως γίνεται η Νορβηγία με 143% χρέος να μην έχει πρόβλημα και να μην χρειάζεται σώσιμο ή περικοπές;

    6. Γιατί οι παγκόσμιοι δανειστές δεν ανησυχούν μήπως χάσουν τα 13, 5
    τρις που χρωστάνε οι ΗΠΑ, τα 2 τρις που χρωστάει το Λουξεμβούργο, τα 9
    τρις που χρωστάει η Αγγλία (κλπ, κλπ) αλλά ανησυχούν για τα 0.5 τρις που
    χρωστάμε εμείς;

    Ερώτηση 7. Πως γίνεται και ολόκληρος ο πληθυσμός της γης χρωστάει το 98% των χρημάτων του;

    Ερώτηση 8. Ποιοι έχουν τόσα πολλά ώστε να «αντέχουν» να δανείσουν τόσο πολύ χρήμα;

    Ερώτηση 9. Πού τα βρήκαν τόσα χρήματα;

    Ερώτηση 10. Γιατί τα χρήματά τους δεν συμμετέχουν στο ΑΕΠ της χώρας τους;

    μήπως τα στοιχεία αυτά δείχνουν ότι η παγκόσμια οικονομία δεν είναι
    παρά μία τεράστια φούσκα,ενώ το χρήμα είναι ψεύτικο, τυπωμένο στα άδυτα
    των πολυεθνικών τραπεζών μόνο και μόνο για να επιτευχθεί ένας παγκόσμιος
    έλεγχος ;

  13. Το δηλητήριο το έρριξε ο ήρεμος γιοσαφάτ ,με το ότι το μνημόνιο έχει τα θετικά του,και ότι μείμαστε όλοι κλέφτες και οτι ή Ελληνική οικογένεια δύσκολη και δυστυχισμένη.Σαν φίδι στον κόρφο μας είσαι νουνεχή γιοσαφάτ.σαν στον σημίτη που έκρυβε έναν σόιμπλε μέσα του.Δεν μπορώ να καταλάβω τα βόδια που τον χειροκροτούσαν κιόλας λες και΄ήταν μωρά και ο δάσκαλος έλεγε κανα σόκιν αστείο.Για να ωριμάσουμε λίγο και να καταλάβουμε ότι μνημονιακός=εχθρός!!!

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