Fortune Feimster Learned How To Talk Like A Lady At Debutante Class


FOLKS, YOU KNOW MY NEXT GUEST
FROM HER STANDUP AND “THE MINDY PROJECT.” PLEASE WELCOME TO “THE LATE
SHOW,” FORTUNE FEIMSTER! ♪ ♪ ♪
( APPLAUSE )
>>Stephen: THERE YOU GO.>>YEAH! WHAT A —
>>Stephen: WELCOME ABOARD.>>THANK YOU!>>Stephen: NICE TO HAVE YOU
HERE. I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU’RE FROM
NORTH CAROLINA.>>I AM.>>Stephen: AND I’M FROM SOUTH
CAROLINA.>>YOU’RE FROM THE SMARTER PART,
APPARENTLY.>>Stephen: AM I?>>YOU’RE SO SMART.>>Stephen: YOU HAVE THE
RESEARCH TRIANGLE.>>THAT’S TRUE.>>Stephen: I THINK WE’RE
SUPPOSED TO, THE TARHEELS AND GAME COCKS– I’M NOT SURE ARE,
SUPPOSED TO FIGHT ABOUT BARBECUE.>>WE LOVE SOME BARBECUE IN
NORTH CAROLINA.>>Stephen: WE LOVE BARBECUE
IN SOUTH CAROLINA.>>SOUTH CAROLINA BARBECUE IS…>>Stephen: IT DEPENDS WHAT
PART YOU’RE FROM, BUT MUSTARD BASED SAY KIND OF THING. YOU HAVE THE VINEGAR.>>YEAH, IT’S WEST COAST-EAST
COAST RIVALRY. IT’S PRETTY DANGEROUS TERRITORY.>>Stephen: SURE. EAST IS THE VINEGAR, RIGHT?>>EAST IS THE VINEGAR. WEST IS THE HICKORY SMOKED
BARBECUE SAUCE. SO GOOD!>>Stephen: FALLING OFF THE
BONE SUSPECT THAT WHEN YOU’RE FROM?>>I’M FROM THE WESTERN PART
STATE, YEAH.>>Stephen: DO YOU GET BACK
DOWN THERE? I TRY TO GO TO SOUTH CAROLINA
ANY CHANCE I GET? ANY RESTAURANTS YOU GO TO,
ANYTHING SPECIAL? IF IT WAS A PARTY OR BIRTHDAY,
WHAT WOULD DO YOU?>>MY FAMILY HAD A STRONG
TRADITION OF GOG HOOTER’S.( LAUGHTER )
I DON’T KNOW IF YOU GUYS ARE FAMILIAR WITH THE GREATEST
RESTAURANT IN THE WORLD, HOOTERS.>>Stephen: SURE, WINGS, CLAM
STRIPS, SURE.>>IT’S AMAZING.>>Stephen: YOU REALLY GO IN
THERE FOR THE FOOD?>>REALLY GO IN FOR THE FOOD.>>WE WENT MY ENTIRE LIFE. I HAD TWO OLDER BROTHERS. USUALLY MY DAD WAS THE PERSON
WHO WAS LIKE, “WE SHOULD GO TO HOOTER’S.”( LAUGHTER )
MY PARENTS ENDED UP DIVORCED– QUITE A SHOCK.>>Stephen: HE NEEDED MORE
TIME FOR THE HOOTER’S.>>YEAH, AND MY MOM– BUT EVEN
MY MOM LOVED HOOTER’S. BUT AFTER THEY DIVORCED, MY MOM
DEVELOPED HOOTER SHAME BECAUSE SHE STARTED DATING THIS VERY
CONSERVATIVE, VERY RELIGIOUS MAN FROM THE SOUTH, AND HE THOUGHT
EVERYTHING WAS A SIN. SO ONE NIGHT WE WERE TRYING TO
FIGURE OUT WHERE TO GO EAT OUT OF HABIT, AND I GO, “OH, WELL
LET’S JUST GO TO HOOTER’S.” AND MY MOM WAS WITH HER MAN
FRIEND, AS WE SAY IN THE SOUTH, AND SHE STIFFENED UP, AND SHE
WAS LIKE…( LAUGHTER )
“AA… HAVE… NEVER… EATEN AT HOOTER!”
AND I WAS LIKE, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU RECRUITED MY BABY-SITTER OUT OF HOOTER’S.”( LAUGHTER )
“NO! I HAVE NEVER!>>I’M LIKE YOU HIRED TWO
HOOTER’S WAITRESSES TO HULA HOOP AT MY BROTHER’S HIGH SCHOOL
GRADUATION PARTY. “NO, I HAVE NEVER EATEN AT
HOOTER’S, AND YOU KNOW THIS!”( LAUGHTER ).>>Stephen: YOUR MOM SOUNDS
FUN.>>SHE’S PRETTY FUN. AND SHE WAS WAY MORE FUN BEFORE
THIS GUY. BECAUSE YOU ASKED IF WE WENT TO
PLACES FOR BIRTHDAYS, ALSO HOOTER’S.>>Stephen: SO IT WAS THE
GO-TO.>>IT WAS THE GO-TO. WE SPENT MY 18th BIRTHDAY
OUT OF HOOTER’S. AND THIS WAS A TIME IN A CHAIN
RESTAURANT HISTORY WHERE IF IT WAS YOUR BIRTHDAY, THE ENTIRE
WAITSTAFF CAME OUT ♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪
THEY’RE BANGING DRUMS, THROWING PLATES, THERE’S CONFETTI.>>Stephen: SURE, SURE.>>I KNOW THIS IS HARD TO
BELIEVE. I WAS IN THE CLOSET AT THE TIME. I DIDN’T KNOW I WAS GAY, WHICH
IS CRAZY BECAUSE I’VE HAD THIS HAIRCUT SINCE I WAS FIVE. I DON’T KNOW HOW THAT HAPPENED.( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE )
AND I DIDN’T WANT ANY ATTENTION
BROUGHT TO ME AT THIS HOOTER’S SO I TOLD EVERYBODY, I’M LIKE,
“YOU BETTER NOT TELL THEM IT’S MY BIRTHDAY OR I’LL KILL YOU.” AND MY BROTHER GOT THERE FIRST
AND HIS GIRLFRIEND TOLD THEM. SHE’S LIKE, “GUESS WHAT? I TOLD THEM IT WAS YOUR
BIRTHDAY.” SO I SHANKED HER. I WAS PISSED.( LAUGHTER )
I WAS SO PISSED. AND THEYUE KNOW, I’M JUST–
LIKE, I KNEW WHAT WAS COMING BECAUSE AT THE END OF THE
DINNER, ALL THESE HERETO’S WAITRESSES– IT WAS A BOOB
PARADE. BOOBIES, BOOBIES, BOOBIES! AND THEY GRABBED ME BY THE HAND
AND PARADED MY AROUND, AND I WAS IN THE CLOSET AND NOT WANTING
ATTENTION. IT FELT LIKE THE GAY WITCH
TRIAL. THEY MADE ME STAND ON A BAR
STOOL IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RESTAURANT LIKE I WAS GOING TO
GET HANGED? IT WAS A LITTLE BOOBY TRAP.( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS ).
>>Stephen: HAPPY MEMORY. HAPPY MEMORY.>>HAPPY MEMORY.>>Stephen: BEFORE YOU ALSO IN
YOUR NEW COMEDY SPECIAL “SWEET & SALTY.”>>IT’S OUT NOW.>>Stephen: IT’S OUT NOW ON
NETFLIX. YOU WERE A DEBUTANTE.>>I WAS.>>Stephen: I WENT TO A LOT OF
DEBS FROM CHARLESTON PITCHES AN ESCORT.>>OH, AN OSCOURT, OKAY.>>Stephen: A LITTLE RICE
PAPER, “PLEASE CALL FOR MISS FORTUNE FEIMSTER,” SOMETHING
LIKE THAT.>>DID YOUICA TILLION, THAT KIND
OF THING.>>Stephen: YES, YES.>>WE HAVE TO LEARN MANNERS.>>Stephen: WHAT DID YOU LEARN
AS A DEB?>>THERE SHE IS.>>Stephen: THERE YOU ARE IN
ALL YOUR GLOWER.>>SHE’S GORGEOUS. YEAH.>>Stephen: LOVELY.>>YEAH, I HAD TO WEAR A WHITE
WEDDING GOWN WHILE MY BROTHER WALKED ME DOWN AN AISLE.>>Stephen: THIS IS YOUR
BROTHER?>>THAT’S MY BROTHER. NOT MY HUSBAND. IT’S HARD TO TELL IN NORTH
CAROLINA.( LAUGHTER )
BUT, YEAH, MY MOM WAS A DEBUTANTE AND, YOU KNOW, IN THE
SOUTH, IT’S A TRADITION. YOUR MOM WAS MOM, YOU GOTTA —
>>Stephen: YOU GOTTA DO IT.>>YOU GOTTA DO IT. I WAS WORKING AS A MAINTENANCE
WORKER AT THE RECREATION DEPARTMENT AT THE TIME. SO I’D BE LINING SOFTBALL FIELDS
AND PICKING UP TRASH, LIKE A LADY. AND THEN I HAD TO TAKE ETIQUETTE
CLASSES WHERE I HAD TO LEARN ALL KINDS OF THINGS. I HAD TO LEARN HOW TO, LIKE,
TALK LIKE A LADY.>>Stephen: CAN YOU TALK LIKE
A LADY?>>IF I HAD MET YOU AND I WANTED
TO GET YOUR ATTENTION, I COULDN’T JUST BE LIKE, “WHAT’S
UP, STEPHEN!” I HAD TO, YOU KNOW, JUST BE
LIKE, “WELL, I DO DECLARE, STEPHEN, YOU ARE A FINE
GENTLEMAN.”( LAUGHTER )
“AND OH, I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M STILL OUT. IT’S PAST MY CURFEW.”( LAUGHTER )
I DON’T KNOW.>>Stephen: “FORTUNE FEIMSTER:
SWEET & SALTY” IS OUT NOW ON NETFLIX. FORTUNE FEIMSTER, EVERYBODY. WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK.

84 thoughts on “Fortune Feimster Learned How To Talk Like A Lady At Debutante Class”

  1. Fortune sounded like Christopher Walkens when she “spoke like a lady”. I can see Walkens dressed in a white gown now. LOL

  2. I have seen her comedy before Chelsea show- maybe it was last comic standing?? Anyways, she has always made me laugh and then on Chelsea, she was SO funny. I like her and she doesn’t disappoint me. She’s funny, calm, and really makes me happy.

  3. I did cotillion!!! I learn to talk like a lady too! I got asked to be a deb, but only because the organizers got confused and thought I was rich.

  4. I get that all talk shows (or most) are set up like this, but this is ripped right from her special. I don’t know why they just can’t have normal conversations. Have some bullet points but just talk. If you go to see her special because of this, you then here this joke again (more elaborate in the special) but it makes no sense.

  5. I adore Fortune.
    I just wish Americans with German names didn't mispronounce them so much – a real mindfuck for us German speakers (no shade to Fortune, she certainly didn't start it in her family.)
    (I can only imagine what it's like for Spanish speakers living in the US, esp. in places like CA, hearing their language be so poorly pronounced.)

  6. This just reminds how different Cajuns are from the rest of the South. All this barbecue—so boring. And DEBUTANTES? Mais gardez donc

  7. Steven put no effort into knowing anything about her besides where she is from. Why waste a quarter of an interview on barbq banter? 😐

  8. Hooters is not a place a southern family would go and she is lying about being a debutante because she is so lower middle class.

  9. Why couldn’t she do an original bit for this interview, super awk having already seen her special lol 😬
    Literal line for line and word for word

  10. Perfect timing with the debutant ball article in The NY Times today. It is something many people still do, even gay comedians have done it.

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