CONFIDENCE LESSONS FROM RIHANNA: Do Guys Find You Intimidating? How To Be Alpha AND Feminine!



welcome back showers and welcome Brianna Navis I don't really understand why that's your guys's um like fandom name I think we can do better Rihanna mater's random aiders that doesn't make a lot of sense I'll keep working anyway you guys asked for this video for like a million years and today we're doing it confidence and love and life lessons from the Queen the actual Queen Rihanna and not just that what to do if you say you don't even care about Rihanna if you keep getting the feedback or the sense or the scent imitated by you and you don't understand how to be the Alpha bad bitch that you are and not intimidate guys how can a girl the Alpha and feminine at the same time I'll break it down because I've been there and so is real I mean basically her an out of the same person obviously but just want to remind you guys if you have a love question you want to talk to me one-on-one find me on the instant go app my user name is Shallon XO and click chat to get connected right away and be sure and follow me on instagram at Shaolin EXO where I let you guys vote for the next video topic and that's right my podcast girl on top where I answer the best questions you guys submitted over the course of the week so let's talk rebury right okay so first I'm going to do a psychological dive in Rihanna cuz that's what we do here at the shell entourage and then I'm going to talk about how you can take those lessons and be less intimidating to dudes okay because that was feedback that I feel like I was getting constantly like literally until I was like 27 I was just like I'm intimidating to guys I don't get like I would get like second third dates but I wasn't getting relationships I was getting laid but I wasn't getting dated and there is a big big difference so Rihanna I said in my last video about Kylie Jenner which is what you know kind of ramped up this topic into high gear that Kylie and Rihanna are cold and warm blooded animals in terms of self-esteem what does that mean I believe that like okay so you know an animal is a cold-blooded animal with asunder um a coal but I am like a snake they rely on their outside environment to keep them alive they cannot regulate inside that's like kylie jenner with her self-esteem which is why she has to post pictures of herself constantly and they're fully edited her entire human body is barely a human body anymore that's edited because she doesn't have this core of self-esteem and what do I always say about confidence confidence is quiet confidence is quiet wealth is quiet power is quiet Fitness is even quiet you know you see like really fit girls or really cute girls and they're dressed like so casually and they look so good and you're just like ah and you see girls who are like a little on the trashy side that's like hair makeup belly chain some rings bah bah anklets anklets girls no no it's very Florida Georgia line concert nosebleed seats just don't go there so Kylie strikes me as a very cold-blooded animal and because of that she is always going to need constant feedback from the world around her and that's gonna make her really susceptible to bad people because they are going to see that weakness as quickly and easily as I see it and want to manipulate her fake friends and Jordan I mean so Kylie strikes me as a cold-blooded animal which means she's always going to need feedback and constant reinforcement from her environment because she doesn't have self-worth because she never did that work if you want more info in this check out that video I just did on plastic surgery it's pretty good Brianna on the other hand is a warm-blooded animal and as we know from the animal kingdom a warm-blooded animal doesn't need its environment human beings are warm-blooded mammals are warm-blooded we regulate our cells and if you look at Rihanna and how she behaves how she interacts with the world it's very I'm a self-contained unit she's not tweeting all the time she's not posting million selfies she's not out at every event she's not going on these like over-the-top publicity stunt vacations that are some like bizarre tax write-off she does her and that's it she doesn't need to tell you that she's a bad bitch speaks for itself she doesn't need to constantly post selfies to get feedback that she's pretty she knows she doesn't really care if the rest of you know she knows and I'm like how did she get here because I first like I mean I was like a Rihanna fan but I think she kind of like zoomed into the spotlight so much when Chris Brown beat the shit out of her you know that's when I was kind of like oh I'm becoming like very aware of Rihanna you know and I kind of like was following her I was like a Rihanna stand after that because I was also an abusive relationship and I think a lot of us have been and it was with my high school sweetheart no no no no no not when I was in high school it was after we ended up we broke up the beginning of college because he slept with my good friend the day after he took my virginity then we got back together and turns out he right before we got back together the second time he slept with my high school my actual best friend so that's great but I I still plowed ahead with the relationship because I have to learn everything the hardest of hard ways and yeah we were like 25 and one night he I like said something to piss him off he called me a cunt at a business dinner like with his business associates and I was like and everyone was like like mic drop I was like all right well you're short and you're losing your hair so you want to go there and he do he dragged me out of the restaurant by my hair thanks everyone for coming to my defense at that dinner thanks guys and dragged me into the hotel elevator and beat the shit out of me I mean pounding my head on the floor choking me I'm gonna kill you I'm gonna fucking kill you how could you say that how would you say I'm gonna fucking kill you and the hotel threw me out threatened to call the police on me because it was his hotel room and this happened after Rihanna's thing and I remember after Rihanna and Chris and how they were still together me and so many people were like what and I remember losing a lot of respect for her my girl I okay because I mean you knew that that incident before the Grammys that wasn't the first time he beat her up you know I doubt that I strongly doubt it but you know what let's say that it was because it was the first time my boyfriend hit at me I'd never even like I'd known him half my life I've known him since we were 14 and I just didn't think he was capable of this and so I was like Rihanna whatever you're staying with him and then my boyfriend beat me up and I was like I get it I get it and I was ashamed of myself for being ashamed of her when someone you love does that to you and it's such it's like this seismic shift from who you knew them to be you have no other choice to be like I really did do this I really did take it so far and piss him off so bad that he reacted like this I mean like yeah and because that's what he tells you sure I shouldn't have done that you made me so mad you know and you're like oh my god and then you think I'm not the one who needs help he needs help he's the sick one like and she did that song um uh what is it called funny I'm the broken one funny you're the broken one but I'm the only one who needed saving do you remember that's what why am i blanking on the name Oh it'll come to me later but I feel like that song was all about that and I remember that line I was like oh my god that's exactly how I felt like he's the hurt one but I'm the one who needs saving no no I have to stay here and help him get better and I remember like all my friends in high school found out about it because I told them and ragazze ups and I my best guy friend from high school I was like telling him that is like my reasoning for why Jack and I were staying together and he's like he was ironically volunteering and battered women shelter like at that time and he's like bitch do you have any idea how many times a day I hear that story he's gay so he got you know he's just like straight to be my bitch look making it so much worse I surround myself piece of mess no but he's like I hear that story all day long and I was like cuz I thought I'd stumbled upon something revolutionary like whoa like my situation is so unique and so complicated I don't have anything in common with these battered women who just like there with a genuinely bad guy and they can't see and they can't leave there's lightning and that what that like woke me up and so since then I felt very like like Hart sister with Rianna and I can't help but think that she had a similar shift to what I did which was never again never ever again I will murder someone if they try to come at me like it I will murder them and I will do my time with a smile on my face you are not coming for me that way I won't let that chaos into my life no more captain save-a-ho behavior from me if he's broken by I'm not mr. Fixit so I feel like I saw a shift in myself and I like to think I saw it Rihanna as well because of getting your sisters and that's when she like took off like I think her persona really solidified in this she has such a male energy and in like the best way she has big dick energy she does I'd let her turn me out come on you know like she just has this energy that's like she is an alpha and it is genderless and yet she has distilled her feminine energy and her seductive power to the point that she's almost weaponized it like it is so clear it is laser-focused and I'm just like oh like I'm so in offer when people like Beyonce's the Queen I'm like Beyonce is kind of a simpleton she is talented but so is Rihanna and Rihanna is a bad bitch like you want Rihanna on your team for sure so how does Rihanna move through the world and get guys being such a bad and you know what I want what yo I want to talk about Drake soft whack Drake because you know who is awful Chris Brown you know who I kind of think is worse Drake here's what that bitch does he puns for Rihanna ostensibly his true love right never shuts up about it goes through the awkward kiss in public at all times and then she has the audacity to simply not love him back the audacity and what does he do collaborate with Chris Brown can you imagine a bigger slap in the face I was seething seething when I saw that he was posting he wanted to do a collab with Chris Brown fuck you Drake fuck you like this is how you act when someone rejects you you go collaborate with their abuser I bet Chris sexually assaulted Rihanna you if you'll hit a woman your raper let's be honest here and if you will stand by the side of a man who would do that to a woman you loved how are you any different how are you different you don't even have the guts to live out loud like that to be like I'm a terrible rapist shitbird person you're just like you're like Lefou from Beauty and the Beast like power and near Gaston complicit in his crimes but like not even alpha enough to do them yourself just it's it's sickening and I don't want to say that like abusive men or alpha they're not they're the most beta men out there but you know what I mean it's like he's just they're both sickening to both garbage people just launched them into outer space and have them formed with the earth far away from the rest of us so I also think Rihanna witnessed that it was like never again but fortunately she's found love with a Saudi billionaire girls I love it I actually don't know really anything about the relationship they keep it so low-key and again confidence is quiet I keep my relationship with my boyfriend really low-key and it's always funny when like the haters like come on my channel then they you're stupid you're stupid you're gonna die alone no wonder you're single honey I'm not saying catch my boyfriend on Instagram he's a smoke show okay but I don't need to flaunt it I know he thought I know he loves me I know I love him I don't need to live out loud like that and I don't need to show off the fact that like your boys so a boy likes me no shit oh boy likes me look at me listen to me I have a lot to offer so do you but I look at Kylie where it's like Travis Scott baby bond Mia look at $35,000 bracelet oh it's not to make up for the fact that he never stops cheating on you is that the price of your soul that's good to know mine's a little bit higher add a few zeros to the end sorry KJ so what can we learn about Rihanna and not just Rihanna but how to be that alpha bitch and he's proud of yourself and not shy away from your accomplishments but also not come across as intimidating because like I said at the beginning this is how I spent my 20s let me walk you through a date with Shallon at 24 okay first of all I show up with hoops probably six times a side big as possible extensions lashes long nails and yes I still have those things now we'll get there I was in like a bandage dress you know tight tits up like numb body glitter beYOU know the shimmery lotion brings sky-high heels Chanel bag I mean I was dressed like I was going to OneNote in Vegas did not matter where the date was did not matter how well I knew him did not matter that was my default setting and yes like daddy I mean that kind of is like I am sort of that tacky bitch and I own it but again we'll get and then on the date okay by the time two or three drinks has passed you know everything about me everything about me you know everything I've ever done in my career you know all about where I came from you know every single goal every single milestone I want to hit um to time published author I'm an editor Barack Obama follows me on Twitter I will so brag about that for the rest of my life so buckle up I'm gonna do this I'm gonna do that info dump that and the guy looking back sat across the table like sort of this deer in headlights and just for good measure just for good measure you know what I always decided to add it in there oh I didn't really believe that marriage is a good thing marriage doesn't work why not have like free love monogamy stupid and you know we're meant to get out there and then he went from to this face hmmm-hmmm his eyes narrow you get this sort of Captain Hook look on his face because you know what he was thinking this is the last date I'm ever gonna take this bitch on from now on we're meeting at my house at 11:30 at night on the Tuesday and guess what we're gonna do and that's the only thing I'm gonna use this girl for because number one she's overwhelming she never shuts up I know everything about her life number two she has set up an adversarial construct and number three she's not the girl you take home to mom she's not the girlfriend kind she's the pump and dump kind and I on my side of the table was like the dates going great it's going great wonderful and guess guess how often I'd hear from them not really at all right so to the few guys who actually did decide to move forward and date me after that for whatever self-destructive reason we got into the second point that I mentioned an adversarial relationship because okay we're dating and then like I couldn't understand why the guys would be like not happy for me if I got a promotion or I came home from a bad day at work and they're like well I don't know what to tell you and I was like oh like I'm happy for you and something good happens I'm your support system when you need help why are you like this I couldn't understand that I with that info dump which basically translates to an ego challenge to a man because it's like well what are you bringing table what are you doing when I come at them with a resume they feel like they need to respond in kind and then we're not a collaborative relationship were adversaries we're competitors and I would think that over and over and over again with the that would date during that time it's like why are they so competitive with me I'm not competing with them but when I would go on dates with this in-your-face attitude and for soman bad just like so loud that's exactly what I became and I mean yes these were like weak ego men like for sure but I had a hand in it as well for sure because like and I couldn't get this I couldn't understand what I was doing and see it until I put it into a different context and I remember like I woke up and I was like what if I was doing these behaviors but physically what if I showed up on a date and instead of being like I'm an author I'm an editor I'm an MTV reality star I'm a youtuber yeah what if I was like are good six-pack abs you wanna arm wrestle yeah I would have a very clear sense of how bad that is right if a guy showed up and you're like oh this guy is intimidating we would know that that's not a good thing like if a guy is intimidating to a woman or to a man you realize that person probably is a weakling that's why they have to like storm around and be a bully and also like we'll know shit people don't want to be around them and it's not because the people are like weak and it's well they just can't handle them it's like they don't want to handle him and boys didn't want to handle me I know what you're probably thinking like okay so I have to pretend like I'm not really well-educated that I don't have a good job that I don't have goals and ambitions no that's what I said too and that was my justification whenever anyone my mom would call me on this throughout like my entire 20s is like oh so I just have to dial myself down and minimize to please the ego of a man can't handle me well well well Shalin you full of shit looking back I can see so clearly that what I was acting like with all this confidence was nothing more than insecurity it was armor it was armored because here's what what happened when I would date someone I would go in like guns a-blazing pew I do this do I do that yeah stolen guns blazing and then we go on a few dates and buy like date number for my actual self would reveal which is very low-key I'm actually really pretty chill I love all sorts of weird domestic things I love the golden girls flirt Hershey Road and baking and needlepoint and the rodeo and chicken show competitions like I'm very kind of like down-home and I would reveal that and you know what the guys would do she's in love with me she's in love with me because not only had I set up this very black and white thing that this felt like a bait switch you know like it just who is this girl now you know but I mean guys or guys are stupid and they can't accept that women have duality women have you hear that thunder that's thunder they can't accept that there's a lot of different aspects to women you know she she's not just the slut or the good girl you know she's not the career woman or the mom there's a lot to us and I led so strong with one aspect that it made it really difficult for them to conceptualize there was those soft and sweet elements things changed for me when I changed and this listen to me this is the gift in the curse you can't change the whole wide world you can only change yourself and when I look back on my dating history and it was like why did this same pattern keep repeating again and again gee I don't know who was the common denominator there it was me obviously and I didn't want to accept that because I didn't want to accept that I was wrong it was way easier to what play the victim right I wanted to play the victim in my own life I wanted to go to brunch and bitch about how guys suck I mean they do obviously but like I sucked too and so this like I said was armor because if I was leading with all this like toughness in the spike enos no one was actually seeing the real me that soft me that I revealed when I got comfortable and when I did that and I like I changed the game of like this relationship the guys left to me then or that you know it just took it shifted and I felt so wounded because like I just finally opened up I decided one time almost as an experiment to do it differently I decided to lead with the sweetness because you know what I realized you know why I knew that how I was on a date was nothing more than insecurity because I finally acknowledged that my my belief was that if I didn't come out of the gate on fire with always going for the joke always debating the political point always doing that then I wasn't going to be enough how could they possibly know I'm funny if I only say two funny things over the course of an hour instead of 15 how can they know I'm smart if I don't get it into a 20 minute debate about brexit how can they know that I'm ambitious if I don't rattle off the entirety of my resume to them I didn't have the faith that my value was apparent to the world Kylie Jenner Rihanna doesn't do that Rihanna doesn't need to you don't see my value fuck you keep it moving that's her attitude and when when I decided to make that my attitude everything changed everything changed and I thought that making that shift would mean I would get meaner that I would get spike here and feisty ER and the opposite happened I got sweeter because that's the real me and I was able to let it out in smaller increments and like I came across as a completely different person the real person underneath me the Shaolin but all my friends know the warm compassionate loving goofy dorky funny Shaolin the challenge my friends like the shelling you guys love you know and part of leading with the sweetness which is my overall tip for you guys and listen this is not dialing yourself down this is this is leading with a different part of you that is already there that is already so wonderful that everyone already loves because that's going to activate that in him and you guys are going to meet as collaborators remember not competitors because here's the big overall point I want to make is like I thought that I had to lead with all my accomplishments and like them all of my personality all at once because that was going to make people like me because that was like what I had to offer and now I've reframed it my personality my history my stories is something you earn access to I don't give it away I've done videos before on why I've never sent a nude in my life and I made the point that like well I've never given someone the keys to my car or sent them my debit card number because I know the value of those things I know to the dollar what they're worth and I actually know the value of my body I mean some days it's ten million dollars other days it's a buck fifty and unusable Confederate money it varies but it has a value so I don't give it away and I finally started to see that my personality has a value as well and so all my funny stories all my crazy experiences and adventures you want to earn access to that now and you earn it by trust I need to know exactly who you are I don't want pictures of my naked body floating out there and I don't want my stories floating out there you don't just get to have that yeah I'm not just gonna serve it to you on a silver platter anymore and because I no longer felt compelled to shuck and jive and fill every single silence on a date which is what guys interpret is crazy because the relationship has a lot of down time you know there's a lot of nights in the couch watching the office eating leftover Chinese food and a guy knows that if girl wrong on a date like he does not want to be trapped with her all winter in a small dwelling because I stopped doing that I was able to listen more and not only does that give me much more clarity on who it is I'm dealing with and now I can smoke a fuck-boy out like that you know but it also cultivated a persona of the sweetness the empathy listening collaboration you know meeting in that warm space because that's what a relationship is supposed to be it's supposed to be each person's emotional soft place to fall the nest the trust treat all that and I was creating a very spiky nest you don't want to be in it you didn't want it's not your safe place so if this is something that you've been having problems with pull back reframe know that you are enough without having to vomit it all out right up front you don't have to do that it comes out bit by bit I bet as someone earns it like Rihanna we don't know everything there is to know about her we don't know where she is at all times what kind of car she drives what her house looks like she meters thought-out as she sees fit if ever you earn the access to it that is her motto that is her vibe that needs to be ours as well and I don't know that she leaves with the sweetness maybe not but that really did change my life and it's not weakness and it's not minimization it's the opposite it's I am secure enough for myself to magnify the parts that I feel risk involved my soft emotional underbelly not this open book thing but just a little laid back and a little bit more warm warmth is charm is approachability they're all one thing so when you can do that your luck is gonna change because it isn't luck it's you and it's your behavioral patterns and all of those things are things you can control but not until you acknowledge them it took me a long time to do it and I probably missed out on probably some really good relationships but once I got it once I made that switch I met the guy that I married literally the next relationship because I was finally connecting on a level that was real I want to know your eyes his thoughts on this I want to know what you think about Rihanna I want to know if this resonates and pings with you and if you want more videos on this topic specifically what and if you want to talk one-on-one about this find me on the instant go app like I said and click chat my user name is Shallon XO also follow me on insta at shell on it so for daily wisdom and selfies and all that stuff and then listen to my podcast girl on top shell and XO every place the podcast are bad thanks babies you

38 thoughts on “CONFIDENCE LESSONS FROM RIHANNA: Do Guys Find You Intimidating? How To Be Alpha AND Feminine!”

  1. ALSO RE: DRAKE— as some of you guys pointed out, let’s not forget about his incredibly creepy and inappropriate “friendship” with Millie Bobby Brown who is 15. Drake is 32.

  2. Why would I care if I intimidate men? That sounds like they have a personal problem. Not me. 🤷🏻‍♀️

    All I’m getting from this video is women have to dull their shine to please men. Nah fuck all of that energy. Men need to learn to get over it. This ain’t the 1940s anymore.

  3. That cold/warm blooded animal analogy is mind blowing omg
    😱👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽😱

  4. That access thing is so real. I actually block some people from my stories cause I’m not ready to share those bits of my life with them.

  5. You are totally wrong about everything. It doesn’t mean that Kylie Jenner who posts a lot of pictures on Instagram that she’s unconfident or has a low self esteem. She can post whatever she wants. Her pictures are great. And the fact that you are comparing her to Rihanna is such a bad idea. I remember when Rihanna was younger, she used to do the SAME EXACT THING. She posted many pictures of herself naked, with joints, being super provocative so the world would talk about her. Not to forget that she too used to make her luxurious vacations in many places very publicly with paparazzi pictures on press. That mean that she was the one who called them to be photographed and to be on spotlight. She is now older, her fame and popularity is enormous. She doesn’t need that. But don’t forget that people are more interesting on youngsters like Kylie, Kendall, Dua & Camila. Rihanna doesn’t have the same impact as before. She’s now like Beyoncé who’s even more private than before.

  6. Shallon, I’ve been watching your videos for years now and I just want to say thank you for all your advice and tips💗You are literally like an older sister I never knew I needed 👏👏

  7. This was really eye opening for me. I don’t come with word vomit on dates but I can see how I can be overwhelming.. I struggle a lot with guys and I am where you were.. I have so many guys who want to do me, and I don’t know any who genuinely want to be with me. My friends have told me similar advice like your mom calling you out and I felt the same, like I have to dial myself down to make a man feel more comfortable and that made me angry. But this video did help me put a lot of that into perspective. Your videos are always awesome I love watching you. Thank you so much for being you ♥️

  8. This was really eye opening for me. I don’t come with word vomit on dates but I can see how I can be overwhelming.. I struggle a lot with Gus and I am where you were.. I have so many guys who want to do me, and I don’t know any who genuinely want to be with me. My friends have told me similar advice like your mom calling you out and I felt the same, like I have to dial myself down to make a man feel more comfortable and that made me angry. But this video did help me put a lot of that into perspective. Your videos are always awesome I love watching you. Thank you so much for being you ♥️

  9. Rihanna is pisces BUT asc&moon aries, mc capri..i remember sb saying in astro meme that as she is a pisces she sings&brings the wisdom of gods while using a bathroom 4fun"

  10. Shallon do u know some astrology? K is a leo..and boy do leos like to b praised. Now scorp moon gives her backbone and capri asc makes her actual bussiness woman or, daddy issues..anyway.. generalizing shallow astro data. Last mc libra another ppl pleasing tell me im pretty condition..but is 2/2 i should look her other astro info up..we r judging..which is bad…but i think she might have back bone

  11. I always said to myself I would leave my husband if he hit me — he did when my son was 6 weeks old for no reason— so I kinda stuck it out for a little while but I kept my promise to myself and did leave him eventually and though it was hard I’m so thankful I’m not still with him. What a blessing. You’re a blessing Shallon for all of us ❤️🙌🏻 plus I’ve always thought that Drake is creepy

  12. Ladies so many men are extremely insecure themselves and project their own insecurities on you by trying to bring you down. It's a way for them to gain leverage and get whatever it Is they want from you because if you keep thinking you're a Queen and a boss lady u wouldn't want anything to.do with them

  13. The song you mentioned is Stay the line goes, " Funny you're the broken one but I'm the only one who needed saving "

  14. Thank you for this video, I was in an abusive relationship and the way you felt happened to me. Took me a year after the first beating to leave him , moved to another country and still trying to find my worth again or maybe I didn’t ever have it. But one thing I’m sure is never again. Love your videos xoxo

  15. Rihanna isn't a songwriter, so.. "Stay", a song I love.. isn't about her & CB, but I'm digging your content and I subscribed.

  16. U make A LOT of ASSUMPTIONS. Chris Brown & Rihanna are still friends. Why should Drake not collab with him? Eye can see his intentions, likely, being nefarious but to assume CB Raped her…Ur doing TOO MUCH on this 1.

  17. they were all sorts of messed up in that thrice. Remember when Karruche was #4 in the group? I still think Drake's face is gorgeous

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