♪ First day of school, nya nya nya nya nya… ♪ Whoa! What class is this? Baldi: Oh, hi! Orange: Whoa, who the heck are you? Baldi: Welcome to Baldi’s Basics! Orange: YO WHAT’CHU TALKIN’ BOUT!? Baldi: What? Orange: You’re making fun of my lack of hair AND calling me basic!? Ooh, you gonna get it! Baldi: No, no, no, no. MY name is Baldi. And this class is called Baldi’s Basics. Orange: Oh, okay. I’ll let it go this time, but only because we have the same hairstyle. (laughs) Baldi: (grunts) Orange: Oh, come on that was HAIR-larious! (laughs) Baldi: (grunts) Okay, that’s enough. Orange: Hey, Professor Baldi guy! Baldi: Just Baldi is fine! Orange: Hey! Hey, Baldi Bean Butt! Baldi: COLDER! Definitely colder! Orange: Hey, BaldI Bartle Farts McDougle Booty! Baldi: HOLY MOLEY! What is wrong with you?! Orange: You’re so bald, I bet if you took a shower, you’d get brainwashed! (laughs) Baldi: Haha, very funny. Orange: You look like Vin Diesal and Mr. Clean had a baby. (laughs) Baldi: Okay, that’s not nice, Orange! Orange: I’m just saying, you really know your bald when you use toothpaste and shampoo. (laughs) Baldi: THAT’S ENOUGH! Orange: Ugh! Baldi: Orange, this is MY classroom, and you will listen to ME! Orange: Okay, fine. Baldi: Now it’s time for everybody’s favorite subject! Orange: Pantsless Karaoke? Baldi: No! Orange: Cooking with bowling balls? Baldi: THOSE are NOT school subjects! Orange: Polar bear pillow fighting! Baldi: NO!!! Math! Everyone’s favorite subject is MATH! Orange: Said no one ever. (laughs) Baldi: Now, I’m gonna give you 3 questions! Orange: Can they be questions about kazoos? I’m REALLY good at questions about kazoos. Baldi: UGHHH!!! Now, the questions will be on this handy-dandy Think Pad! Here you go! Orange: Cool! It looks like Big Bird crapped on a speak n’ spell! (laughs) Baldi: (groans) Now, problem 1. 7 + 9=Orange: WHAAAAT? 7 and 9 can’t be in a math problem together! Baldi: What? Why not? Orange: Because 7 8 9! (laughs) Baldi: GRRRRR!!! Orange: Hmmm… carry the 5… move the decimal over 3 places… divide by a hamster ball… Baldi: Grrr! Did you just say, “divide by a hamster ball?” Orange: Yeah! That’s the step that comes before multiplying it by Justin Bieber’s nipple, right? (laughs) Baldi: (groans) Okay! If you’re having trouble with the problem, think of it this way! If you had 7 kazoos, and I gave you 9 more kazoos, how many kazoos would you have? Orange: Honestly, I still wouldn’t have enough kazoos. Baldi: (stutters) No! Orange: I’d probably have to steal Pear’s credit card and buy at least a bajillion more from Kazoos R’ Us. Baldi: This isn’t a philosophical question about how many kazoos are enough to make you happy! Orange: Of course, if you gave me 9 kazoos that were magic kazoos that had wish-granting genies inside of them, that’d be a different story all-together. Baldi: Orange, you’re getting off-track and- Orange: Cuz then I’d wish for a kazoo cloning machine! Then I’d never run out of kazoos, like, ever! Baldi: ORANGE! 7+9! Orange: Sheesh, okay! 16! The answer is 16! Baldi: Fantastic! You’re doing great! Orange: Hey-hey! Thanks! Now, back to the kazoos! Baldi: PROBLEM 2!!!! 5-3=Orange: (groans) I’m bored of math! Does this thing play Fortnite? Baldi: NO! Orange: Hey, why hasn’t anybody made a game called Fartnite? Now that would be a real GAS! (farts and laughs) Baldi: Orange!!! Orange: Okay, okay. 2! As in you can’t have toot without two! (farts and laughs again) Baldi: Good job! You did great! Orange: Thanks! I’m pretty skilled at farting! (farts for the 3rd time) Baldi: THAT’S ENOUGH FARTING! (Orange laughs) Now, Orange, it’s time for problem 3! Orange: Pollen tree? Baldi: Problem 3! Orange: Goblin knee? Baldi: PROBLEM 3! Baldi: You gotta pee? Gross, dude! TMI! (laughs) Baldi: AHHH!! I’ve HAD IT with you!!! HERE’S YOUR PROBLEM 3!! *̧͕͎̗̞̩̫̙̠͔̠̾̅̉̅̀͜͟ͅ@̷̢͉͉̱̳͚̘̳̬̥̭̭̠̤͕̜̤ͭ̓̓̒̄͗ͦ̃ͭ̃̇̈̔͛̇̒̈́͞#̱̺̮͈̗͈̻ͨ̎̓̊̓ͬͬ͒͗ͫ͑̇̎̑̈́̅ͮ̚͘͘͠&̵̛̳̘̪͙͉̲͇̭̪̰̳̻̋̄ͨ̉̆̀ͤ̅͋ͬ͌̽̋̓͘͞͡*̨̟̭̻̯̮̻͙ͯ̐́ͨ͑́̅̌̉̉̀͗ͥ̍̃̓ͪ͌͘@͖͍̺͙̦͙̼̙͓̤͉̤̳̍ͩ̈́ͣ̋͐ͤ̆ͬ̀̈̀̐͟͡ͅͅ&̶̝͍̙͚̮̳̝̰̟̞͕̤̾̅̀ͣ̿̑͌̓̕͡ͅͅ^̷̡̛͚̺̬̝͍͔͙͓͔̭̝͍̄̓͋̔̒!̨̛̯̰̣̣͚͉̥͍͕ͤ̿̄̈́̃̋ͮͩ̍ͨ̋͊͋͋̽̀̈́͢#̺̼̳̗̳̻͙̝̱̝̲̯̰̗̻̤͂̑͛̂ͧ̉̓͊̄̆ͧ̀͢*̷̧͔̙̰͇̻̪̜̿̿̓̓̌̏ͮ̌̓͐̂̔́&̸̸̘̰̰̣͎̖̥͖͚̙̤̤͇̊ͩ͒͗̒ͭ̏͐͒̄ͫͥ̌͂̃̐̒͊̕ͅ!̷̧̬̖͔͈̲͇͊͂͒́̅̋̀̓͟͟#̢̪̖̺̖̘̽ͦ͐͟͞͠ͅͅ?̨̜̞̟̰̇̐͗ͪ̎ͧ̒̇̌̓͐͊͊̃̑͋ͥ̄͘͠&̢̥̱͇̤̝̱͙͓̤̦̘̳̓ͥ̃͋̊̈́̐̽̀ͅͅ*̙̮̬̩͉̯̺̙̘͙̤̪̬͕̽̓ͭ́͌͑̓͋̉ͨ̆͂̀̀͜͜͡$̨̧̹͇͓̯̯͍̺͔̙͖̞̭͍͛͒ͫͫ͋̓̅͑̅͌͒͛̀́!̧̧̏ͣ͋͛͊͌͒ͪ̎̔ͬ̽̆ͥ͡͏̖̫̞̼̯̘̻̙̘̘̳̻͇̟̖͕*̨̜͎͓̬͎̤̞͍͍͇̙̗̤̿͒̅ͭ̋ͩ̉ͤ̊ͥ̓̕͢͢͝(̄͌̀͌ͨ͗̾ͦͥ̀͞҉̟͇͍͈̮̙͚̭͕̼̖͙̭̤̳̻̲̬̝͜%̵̴̴̝͎͕͇̺̲͇ͥͬͯ̉̓̄̐̿̍ͥ̋͋̆̉ͤ̇ͣ͆$̶̷̼̙͍̻̘̬͎̲̽ͩͩ̍̒ͦ͋ͦͦ̃͛͋̌ͫ̂̓̽̑͘*̴̞̥̦̣̮͉̗̤̘̯͔̯̳̗͚͔͙̰ͭ̋ͤ̋̌̍ͦ̊̈ͯ̂́&̴̸͈͔̟̙̣̺̱̤͈͍̲̟̮̣̽̆ͯ̔ͩ̐̋̑̍͒̿ͫͦ̈́̃͊͘͠ͅ@̴̛͖̜̣̪̥̣̮̤̹̞͎̓́ͧ̃́̋ͪͭ͋̂́̾̋́́͜ Orange: Emm… I think your boring machine is broken. Baldi: Oh, it’s not broken. YOU have to answer it! Just like that! And remember, I get angrier every problem you get wrong! Orange: WORK, YOU STUPID MACHINE!!! MAKE MORE SENSE!!! Baldi: Hey! STOP THAT! Orange: Nah, I’m gonna keep doing it. AHHHHHHH! Baldi: HEY! Orange: PLAY FORTNITE, YOU BIG BIRD TURD! Baldi: GRRR!! Gimme that! Orange: Hey! I was breaking that! Baldi: I am DONE teaching math!! Now it’s time to teach you a NEW lesson! YOU! You are the most IRRITATING pile of pulp EVER!!! If being annoying was an olympic sport, you’d win! Orange: First Prize? Baldi: Yes! You’d win first prize! Now, time for that lesson! Orange: No! First Prize! Baldi: What? 1st Prize: I see you! Baldi: AHHHH!!!!! 1st Prize: Will you marry me? Orange: Whoa! Baldi sure is a PUSHOVER! (laughs) Ohh… Playtime: Let’s play! Orange: AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Playtime: Heeheehee! Orange: AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!