2×18 The Parent ‘Hood – An American Class President


GREAT LUNCH, MOM.
SEE YOU. HOLD IT, MISTER. WHAT ABOUT THESE DISHES? GREAT DISHES, TOO.
SEE YOU. GET BACK IN HERE. YOU KNOW WHAT
I’M TALKING ABOUT. IT’S YOUR JOB
TO DO THE DISHES. I’M GLAD
I DON’T HAVE TO
DO THE DISHES. YEAH, YOU’RE SO LU– ACTUALLY, YOU DON’T KNOW
WHAT YOU’RE MISSING. THIS IS SO MUCH FUN. IT IS? YEAH, WHOO-HOO. YIPPEE. THIS IS THE BOMB. CAN I HAVE
SOME FUN, TOO? I DON’T KNOW. YOU’LL
PROBABLY TELL EVERYONE, THEN THEY’LL ALL
WANT TO DO IT. I WON’T TELL. I PROMISE. I’LL PROBABLY BE
SPOILING YOU, BUT… O.K. THANKS, NICHOLAS.
YOU’RE THE BEST BROTHER. THAT’S THE KIND OF GUY I AM. ¶ HEY-OH ¶ ¶ COME ON ¶ ¶ HEY-OH ¶ [WOLF WHISTLE] ¶ COME ON ¶ ¶ HEY-OH ¶ ¶ COME ON ¶ ¶ HEY-OH ¶ ¶ COME ON ¶ ¶ HEY-OH ¶ ¶ COME ON ¶ ¶ HEY-OH ¶ ¶ COME ON ¶ ¶ COME ON ¶ ¶ HEY-OH ¶ ¶ AH… ¶ ¶ ALL RIGHT ¶¶ AND 1995 NCI CAPTION CLUB/
GRANTSMANSHIP [SIGH] HEY,
HOW WAS SCHOOL TODAY? AWW. I LOVE IT THAT WE CAN
TALK LIKE THIS. SHE’S A LITTLE
BUMMED OUT BECAUSE THEY CUT
HER STUDENT-TO-STUDENT
COUNSELING PROGRAM. I’M SORRY. I KNOW
WHAT IT MEANT
TO YOU. THEY SAID THERE WASN’T
ENOUGH MONEY TO KEEP ALL
THE AFTER SCHOOL ACTIVITIES. YET THE SQUARE DANCING CLUB
STILL LIVES ON. IT WAS A GREAT PROGRAM. THEY DIDN’T GIVE IT
A CHANCE. WE WERE STARTING
TO HELP PEOPLE. KIDS COULD TALK
TO OTHER KIDS
ABOUT THEIR PROBLEMS. WHEN I WAS IN SCHOOL AND WE HAD A PROBLEM
WITH THE ADMINISTRATION, WE STAGED A SIT-IN. WHAT WERE YOU PROTESTING? THEY WANTED
TO PUT A LIMIT ON THE HEIGHT
OF OUR AFROS. SWEETHEART,
THERE ARE OTHER WAYS
TO MAKE CHANGES. OH, WAIT. YOU KNOW WHAT? THE SCHOOL ELECTIONS
ARE COMING UP. RUN FOR PRESIDENT. THOSE ARE JUST
POPULARITY CONTESTS. THEY HAVE NOTHING TO DO
WITH ISSUES. MAYBE YOU COULD
CHANGE THAT. HEY, WHAT’S UP, Y’ALL? WE’RE TRYING
TO GET ZARIA TO RUN
FOR PRESIDENT. WHAT HAPPENED TO CLINTON? OH, YEAH. HOW DO YOU STAND
ON AFROS? LET IT GO,
MY BROTHER. SO, YOU GUYS REALLY THINK
I CAN CHANGE THINGS? YOU NEVER OW
UNTIL YOU TRY. WOULD YOU BE
MY CAMPAIGN MANAGER? THE PRESIDENT
PICKS THE BANDS TO PLAY
THE SCHOOL DANCES. RIGHT. HAIL TO THE CHIEF. COME ON.
LET’S GO. THAT’S FUNNY. I DECIDED TO GO
INTO POLITICS, TOO. HA HA HA.
THAT IS FUNNY. I’M SERIOUS. THERE’S
A SPECIAL ELECTION
FOR CITY COUNCIL. I’M WORKING FOR COOK. WINSTON COOK?
THAT GRAFT-TAKING, VOTE-BUYING SLEAZE BALL? ACCUSED,
NEVER CONVICTED. WHAT’S THE REAL REASON? SO OUR COUNTRY
CAN BE GREAT AGAIN, ROB. SO EVERY AMERICAN
CAN LIVE OUT THEIR
AMERICAN DREAM. SO YOU CAN
GET SOME EASY
GOVERNMENT JOB. IF YOU KNEW THE ANSWER,
WHY DID YOU ASK? WENDELL, THE IDEA OF YOU
IN GOVERNMENT– WHAT’S THE WORD? IS TERRIFYING. AH. HUHH. MR. PRESIDENT. MR. VICE PRESIDENT,
ANY WORD? NOTHING YET. I CAN’T BELIEVE IT. I GAVE THE ORDER
30 MINUTES AGO, AND THEY’RE PLAYING
WITH MY EMOTIONS. MR. PRESIDENT, WE HAVE
THREE MINUTES,
COMPTON TIME… WHICH GIVES US 10. LET’S STAY CALM. CALM? CALM? I DIDN’T STAY CALM
WHEN THE RUSSIANS
PUSHED ME AROUND. I DIDN’T STAY CALM
WHEN THEY PUSHED ME AROUND
IN INGLEWOOD. AND I’M NOT GOING TO
LET THESE CHUMPS PUSH ME AROUND. I SAY WE LAUNCH. NO, MR. PRESIDENT, NO! N-NO. NO, MR. PRESIDENT. DO YOU REALLY WANT
TO LAUNCH MISSILES BECAUSE YOUR PIZZA
IS LATE? IF THEY SAY 30 MINUTES,
IT SHOULD BE 30 MINUTES. MR. PRESIDENT, NO.
THE PIZZA’S HERE. AHH. IT’S ABOUT TIME,
PIZZA MAN. THANK YOU, THANK YOU,
THANK GOD. THIS PIZZA JUST SAVED
THE ENTIRE WORLD. GIVE ME THAT. IT BETTER BE HOT. CHEESE, CHEESE. MR. PRESIDENT,
YOU JUST SAT
ON THE BUTTON. I BETTER HURRY UP
AND EAT THIS. DO THE WORLD A FAVOR
AND STAY OUT
OF POLITICS. I CAN’T. I’M IN CHARGE
OF POLITICAL INTELLIGENCE. INTELLIGENCE? DON’T GO THERE.
DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. WENDELL, WHAT,
EXACTLY, IS YOUR JOB? DIGGING UP DIRT ON COOK’S
OPPONENT J.B. OLSEN. THAT’S OUR NEIGHBOR. HE LIVES
ACROSS THE STREET. REALLY? WOW. I DIDN’T KNOW. I DIDN’T KNOW. YOU KNEW
HE LIVED THERE. THAT’S HOW YOU GOT
THIS JOB, RIGHT? AGAIN. YOU KEEP
ASKING ME QUESTIONS
YOU KNOW THE ANSWER TO. MR. OLSEN
IS A SAINT. YOU COULD LOOK
OUT THAT WINDOW
DAY AND NIGHT AND NEVER SEE
ANYTHING WRONG. HE RUNS A HOMELESS
SHELTER. HE HAS A FOOD BANK, A TRAINING CENTER
FOR THE PHYSICALLY
CHALLENGED. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. WHAT HAS HE DONE
FOR THE MORE FORTUNATE MAN? IRA, HOW ARE THOSE
CAMPAIGN SLOGANS COMING? YO, THEY’RE SLAMMING.
CHECK IT OUT. “VOTE FOR ZARIA.” WELL, UM, IRA,
THAT’S REAL GOOD, BUT A GOOD SLOGAN
NEEDS A SNAP TO IT. OH, I GOT YOU.
“VOTE FOR ZARIA.” [SNAP] HI, GUYS. WHAT’S UP? ZARIA. I FOUND OUT WHO
YOU’RE RUNNING AGAINST. BRADLEY LEWIS. HE’S A SENIOR,
AND HE’S CAPTAIN
OF THE FOOTBALL TEAM. OOH, AND HE IS FINE. NOT THAT FINE.
WE CAN BEAT HIM. I GOT MY PEOPLE
DIGGING UP DIRT ON HIM. THERESA. I DON’T NEED ANY DIRT. I’M GOING TO WIN
FAIR AND SQUARE. THIS IS POLITICS.
YOU’LL NEVER WIN THAT WAY. I’VE GOT A SLOGAN. “ZARIA. SHE’S FAIR,
SHE’S SQUARE, AND SHE HASN’T GOT
A PRAYER.” [SNAP] UH-HUH, UH-HUH,
MR. SQUEAKY CLEAN. UH-HUH, GOT YOU–
GOT YOU, BABY. I GOT YOU. WENDELL. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? I’M KEEPING AN EYE
ON THAT LOWLIFE OLSEN, MAN. WHAT IS
ALL THIS STUFF? IT’S A SUPER-DUPER
LISTENING DEVICE. I CAN HEAR ALL THE WAY
ACROSS THE STREET. CHECK IT OUT. CHECK IT OUT. O.K. HE’S SINGING IN THE SHOWER. HE SOUNDS LIKE BABYFACE. THIS IS BABYFACE. THIS IS MY WALKMAN. YOU CAN’T DO THIS. THIS IS WRONG. IT’S SPYING,
IT’S ILLEGAL, IT’S IMMORAL,
IT’S WRONG. IT’LL GET ME A JOB. YOU SAID I COULD
LOOK OUT YOUR WINDOW DAY IN AND DAY OUT. THAT’S A FIGURE
OF SPEECH LIKE “MAKE YOURSELF
AT HOME.” WHAT YOU SAYING? LEAVE. WHAT YOU MEAN BY THAT? GET OUT. WHAT YOU REALLY
TRYING TO SAY? TAKE YOUR STUFF
AND GO. YOU ONLY GOT TO
TELL ME ONCE, BABY. WHERE’D YOU GET
THE NEW GAME? MOM GAVE IT TO ME BECAUSE
I DID A GOOD JOB
ON THE DISHES. BUT I DID THE DISHES
ALL WEEK. RIGHT. I LET YOU
HAVE ALL THE FUN. NOW IT’S MY TURN
TO HAVE FUN. THAT’S NOT FAIR. CECE, YOU’LL UNDERSTAND
WHEN YOU GET OLDER. OH, I UNDERSTAND RIGHT NOW. SO, IF I’M ELECTED
PRESIDENT, I PROMISE TO BRING BACK
THE PEER-COUNSELING
PROGRAM BECAUSE THIS PRO– BRADLEY, BRADLEY, BRADLEY, BRADLEY, BRADLEY, BRADLEY, BRADLEY, BRADLEY! WHAT’S GOING ON, MAN? HEY, MAN.
WHAT’S GOING ON? THANKS, GUYS,
I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOUR SUPPORT.
THANK YOU, AND I’D APPRECIATE
YOUR PHONE NUMBER. YOU TAKE AWAY
ZARIA, YOU BETTEROUD MUS
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS. IT’S ABOUT YOU. “DO YOU WANT A GANG MEMBER
AS YOUR PRESIDENT?” OH, MY GOD.
LOOK AT THAT POSTER. I’M GOING TO STRAIGHTEN
THIS OUT RIGHT NOW. BRADLEY, WHAT’S
ALL OF THIS GANG STUFF
SUPPOSED TO MEAN? IT MEANS WHAT IT SAYS. IT’S A LIE.
I HAVE NOTHING
TO DO WITH GANGS. HOLD ON. TIME OUT. DIDN’T YOU DATE A GUY
NAMED SHORT FUSE? OOH. HIS NAME
WAS RICKY JOHNSON. HE WAS IN A GANG. WELL, YEAH, BUT– WHERE’S THE LIE?
UH, UH… HEY. HE WASN’T IN A GANG
WHEN I WAS DATING HIM. YOU BETTER GET
YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT. OR WHAT, YOU’RE GOING TO
GET YOUR POSSE ON US? DOES THIS LOOK
LIKE A POSSE? WHAT UP, FOOL? SORRY, ZARIA.
YOU’RE THE LAST PERSON I WANTED TO GET ANGRY. OOH. THIS IS ALL MESSED UP. IT’S NOT THE WAY
IT LOOKS. HE WON’T GET AWAY
WITH THIS. NOW WE’RE GOING TO
DO IT YOUR WAY DIG UP EVERY PIECE
OF DIRT YOU CAN
ON BRADLEY. WE GOING TO
KICK SOME BUTT. HA HA! “KICK SOME BUTT.”
NOW THAT’S A SLOGAN. NICHOLAS, DID YOU WASH
THE DISHES LAST NIGHT? EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. WANT TO GIVE ME
SOMETHING ELSE? I’D LOVE TO GIVE YOU
SOMETHING ELSE, AND YOU CAN START
BY WASHING EVERY ONE OF THESE
FILTHY DISHES. I DIDN’T DO THIS THAT’S THE PROBLEM. I DON’T THINK
YOU DESERVE THIS GAME. CECE. YOU SET ME UP. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? YOU DIDN’T DO THE DISHES
TO GET ME IN TROUBLE. OH, YOU’RE RIGHT.
I SET YOU UP. I’LL GET YOU!
GET OVER HERE! COME ON, THINK. THERE MUST BE SOMETHING BAD
WE CAN SAY ABOUT BRADLEY. GIRL, WE HIT THE JACKPOT. I GOT THE DIRT ON BRADLEY. I KNEW
THERE WAS SOMETHING. THIS IS MORE
THAN SOMETHING. ARE YOU READY? HE’S DOING DRUGS. I DON’T BELIEVE IT. OH, IT’S TRUE.
MY BOYFRIEND’S ON
THE FOOTBALL TEAM, AND HE SAID BRADLEY EVEN
GETS HIGH BEFORE GAMES. THE TEAM’S AFRAID
TO SAY ANYTHING. WOW, MAN.
THIS IS GREAT. ONCE THIS SPREADS,
BRADLEY’S GOING TO GET
LESS VOTES THAN IRA IN THE MISS
AMERICA PAGEANT. HEY, YOU HAVEN’T SEEN ME
IN A BATHING SUIT. BUT I CAN’T DO THIS. I CAN’T BUST HIM
IN FRONT OF EVERYONE. YOU WANT TO WIN,
DON’T YOU? WELL, YEAH, BUT– BUT NOTHING. COME ON,
HE DESERVES IT. AT LEAST WE’RE
TELLING THE TRUTH. EVERYTHING HE SAID
WAS A LIE. I GUESS YOU’RE RIGHT. BRADLEY STARTED THIS,
BUT I’M GOING TO FINISH IT. HE’S GOING DOWN. HE’S GOING DOWN. HE’S GOING DOWN. HE’S GOING DOWN. HE’S GOING DOWN. HE’S GOING DOWN. HE’S GOING DOWN. HUT, HUT, HUT, HUT. WHO’S GOING DOWN? BRADLEY LEWIS. I’VE GOT SO MUCH DIRT
ON HIM, I COULD BURY HIM
10 TIMES. WHAT HAPPENED TO RUNNING
ON THE ISSUES? I TRIED THAT,
BUT HE DRAGGED ME DOWN. NOW IT’S PERSONAL. ZARIA, THIS WAS
SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT THE STUDENT
COUNSELING PROGRAM. I STILL THINK
THE PROGRAM’S IMPORTANT, BUT I CAN’T DO ANYTHING
ABOUT IT UNLESS I WIN THE ELECTION. YOU KNOW WHAT KIND
OF PEOPLE ARE INVOLVED
IN DIRTY POLITICS? I GOT IT. J.B. OLSEN KISSING A WOMAN,
AND IT AIN’T HIS WIFE. HE’S A FREAK. TO THE JOB OF STUDENT
BODY PRESIDENT. THANK YOU, HUDSON HIGH! BRADLEY, BRADLEY. BRADLEY, BRADLEY. BRADLEY, BRADLEY. HEY, ZARIA, NOTHING
PERSONAL, ALL RIGHT? NOTHING PERSONAL?
YOU LIED ABOUT ME IN FRONT OF
THE ENTIRE SCHOOL. OH, NO.
NOT THE WHOLE SCHOOL. SOME OF MY FRIENDS
ARE DITCHING. YEAH. LAUGH NOW, BUT
YOU WON’T BE LAUGHING WHEN PEOPLE HEAR
ABOUT ALL THE DRUGS
YOU’RE TAKING. OH, COME ON, ZARIA,
YOU DON’T NEED TO GO THERE. NOTHING PERSONAL.
EXCUSE ME. ZARIA, COME ON. YOU’LL MESS UP
MY COLLEGE SCHOLARSHIP. I DIDN’T START THIS. OH, OH, COME ON. LIGHTEN UP. WHY DO YOU THINK THEY CALL IT
HIGHSCHOOL, HUH? THAT’S NOT FUNNY. I THOUGHT
YOU CARED ABOUT
HELPING OTHER PEOPLE. ALL YOU CARE ABOUT’S
HELPING YOURSELF, MAN. GOOD SPEECH, MAN. WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MAN? YOU’VE BEEN
GETTING HIGH ALL DAY. MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. LET’S HEAR IT FOR
OUR NEXT PRESIDENT, YOUR SISTER AND MINE, ZARIA PETERSON. PARTY ON, ZARIA. GO GET ‘EM.
NO MERCY. RIGHT, NO MERCY. UM, THANK YOU. UM, TODAY WE’RE GOING TO
TALK ABOUT THE TRUTH. AND THE TRUTH IS… AND THE TRUTH IS THAT… AND THE TRUTH IS THAT
MY OPPONENT BRADLEY LEWIS… AND THE TRUTH IS THAT… THAT I CAN’T DO THIS. LOOK, EVERYBODY, I GOT INTO THIS RACE
TO HELP PEOPLE, NOT HUMILIATE PEOPLE. I WAS PART OF A PROGRAM– A GREAT PROGRAM CALLED
STUDENT-TO-STUDENT
COUNSELING. ZARIA’S O.K.! WHOO-HOO! THANK YOU. UM, AS I WAS SAYING, IF WE WORK TOGETHER,
WE CAN HELP– FANTASTIC, ZARIA. WHOO! SHE’S O.K. HA HA. YOU’RE O.K. YEAH. ARE YOU O.K.? OH, YEAH, I’M COOL. THIS SCHOOL IS COOL. YOU KNOW, I JUST WANT
TO LET EVERYONE KNOW
THAT, UH, EVERYTHING IS COOL.
EVERYTHING’S REALLY COOL. ZARIA, MAN. IT’S JUST– NOW, THAT’S NOT COOL. SO… HOW DID
THE ELECTION GO? I WON. WELL, I HOPE YOU GOT
WHAT YOU WANTED. NO, MOM, SHE STUCK
TO THE ISSUES. SHE HAD A CHANCE
TO DESTROY BRADLEY, BUT SHE TOOK
THE HIGH ROAD. THAT’S MY GIRL.
COME HERE. CONGRATULATIONS. SHOULDN’T WE BE
DOING A VICTORY
DANCE, A CELEBRATION
OR SOMETHING? WELL, ACTUALLY
I WON BY DEFAULT. BRADLEY COULDN’T RUN. YEAH. HE COULDN’T
EVEN WALK. HE WAS SO HIGH,
HE MADE A COMPLETE FOOL
OF HIMSELF. I KNOW
THINGS DIDN’T TURN OUT
THE WAY YOU WANTED THEM, BUT WE’RE VERY PROUD
OF YOU. THANKS. I’M–I’M NOT HERE.
I’M NOT. WHAT HAPPENED? COOK LOST THE ELECTION, AND THEY TRIED
TO BLAME IT ON ME. COOK LOST? WHAT HAPPENED
TO THAT SLEAZY PICTURE
YOU TOOK OF OLSEN? I THOUGHT THAT
WOULD RUIN HIM. WELL, IT DIDN’T
RUIN HIM–RUIN HIM, PER SE, RUIN HIM. I ACTUALLY
GOT HIM ELECTED. WAIT. HEWASKISSING A WOMAN
THAT WASN’T HIS WIFE? IT TURNS OUT HE WAS
GIVING THE LADY MOUTH-TO-MOUTH
RESUSCITATION. MY PICTURE MAKES IT
TO THE LATE EDITION
OF THE NEWSPAPER. OLSEN’S A HERO. HE GETS ELECTED. I’M GUESSING YOU’RE NOT
GETTING MUCH LOVE DOWN AT THE COOK
HEADQUARTERS. NO. THEY WERE SHOUTING
THINGS LIKE, “GET HIM! KILL HIM! SAVE SOME FOR ME!” SORE LOSERS. WHATEVER.
WHAT’S FOR DINNER? I’VE GOT SOME FILET MIGNON. [DOORBELL CHIMES] I’LL GET IT. BRADLEY. HEY, UH, LOOK, UM, I JUST WANTED TO SAY,
UH, CONGRATULATIONS. BRADLEY, YOU NEED
TO GET SOME HELP. I KNOW. I–I KNOW. LOOK, MY DAD’S WAITING
OUT IN THE CAR. HE’S PUTTING ME
INTO A REHAB PROGRAM. THAT’S PROBABLY
A REALLY GOOD IDEA. UH, IS THERE
ANYTHING I CAN DO? PUT ME BACK
ON THE FOOTBALL TEAM AND GIVE ME A NEW
COLLEGE SCHOLARSHIP. BRADLEY, I’M SORRY. HEY, YOU KNOW, I DID IT TO MYSELF, BUT, UH, LISTEN, I REALLY HOPE YOU GET THAT
COUNSELING PROGRAM GOING. WE’LL GET IT GOING. IT’LL BE THE FIRST THING
THAT ME AND MY GANG WILL DO. CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
WARNER BROS. TELEVISION AND 1995 NCI CAPTION CLUB/
GRANTSMANSHIP CAPTIONING PERFORMED BY
THE NATIONAL CAPTIONING
INSTITUTE, INC. PUBLIC PERFORMANCE OF CAPTIONS
PROHIBITED WITHOUT PERMISSION OF
NATIONAL CAPTIONING INSTITUTE IF THEY SAY 30 MINUTES, IT SHOULD BE 30 MINUTES. MR. PRESIDENT, DO YOU REALLY WANT
TO GO TO WAR OVER THIS? WHY NOT? I’VE GOT BATTLESHIPS. I’VE GOT TANKS.
I’VE GOT JETS. I’VE GOT METEOR MAN.

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